Maybe We'll All See
by countrybutterfly
Summary: postRENT. Three yrs. later. Benny's back in the loft. The truth behind Mark and Maureen. Some have to leave, but new people have also entered the lives of our favorite Bohemians.
1. Prologue: Our Current Situation

Hey Everyone. Um.. this is my first RENT fic. so bear with me, please. Should explain itself but if it doesn't...Let me know...and I know there's something else I should tell you...but I can't remember for the life of me...(my memory is worse than my great-grandmotherand that's saying something) 

Disclaimer...I don't own Rent, its characters, its actors, or anything that wasn't created out of the sheer madness that exists in my head.

* * *

Prolouge: Our Current Situation  
(as told by Mark Cohen)  
9 November

* * *

Zoom in on the Boho boys...doing absolutley nothing... the story of our lives.  
Well, Collins is out teaching.  
It's been three years since Angel's death and Collins has been dying a lit bit at time ever since. Angel was his heartbeat and now his heart break. 

Roger's heartbeat is sleeping curled up against his chest, next to the guitar layed on the other side of the breaking-apart-couch. No, not Mimi. Mimi gave Roger another heartbeat right before she died. His name is Noah. And by some miracle, the two year old shows no sign of HIV/ AIDS. His birth gave Roger no time to slip into a depression and he's been slowly putting it back to together since then.

Benny (yes Benny's here too) is sprawled over some legal work that Joanne sent over, slowly falling asleep. Not long before Mimi died the biggest twist in our story came from the Benny front. He showed up one morning, moving in to Mimi's old place. And who can blame him? It's not his fault Muffy, Alison, pulled one over all of us and pulled a Maureen. Mr. Grey, in his extremely flustered moment, gave permanent rights to the loft building, the studio that is next door, money to service them for, well, eternity, plus some, to keep everything, the divorce and the reason covered up and it all went to Benny. One month ago, Benny moved up here, to give his place to the kid of an old family friend, who's moving in today.

Maureen and Joanne have two heart beats of their own. Aurora Marquez and Roman Dumott Jefferson were born six months after Noah. I knew pregnant Maureen would be something to be reckoned with, I don't know how Joanne put up with it. Maureen's changed, well, at least she has an actual job now.

We all have jobs now. I think partly in an effort to make it up to us for his years as a lousy friend, Benny turned Cyber Arts into Life Arts, for the starving artists of the alphabet city that actually show promise. And after the building were the Life Support meeting, was rendered useless, the floorwhich was supposed to be the condos became the new home.

Collins speaks in classes for those who just discovered they have HIV/ AIDS.  
Roger runs the recording studio and is doing as well as one can do music-wise in this neighborhood, with several really nice gigs occasionally.  
Joanne does the legal work. Benny heads everything.  
Maureen (here's a scary thought) runs the small child care facility. You'd be surprised how many starving artist have starving kids too.

But, hey, it helps distribute some of that money Mr. Grey left Benny.

Me? I still film. Help out randomly.  
As for my heartbeat, well, no girlfriend.  
The other type? The kind Roger has? The kind Maureen and Joanne share?  
Well...  
I had one, eighteen years ago, Maureen and I shared one for ten days, before signing the papers. Wait, today is November 9. As of four days ago, Nineteen years ago.  
Probably why it took so long for Joanne to convince Maureen to have Rora and Roman.  
Why I didn't help father those two and an old friend of Joanne's had to.  
Why I try to ignore the fact I've known Maureen all those years.

* * *

So how was that for the Prolouge? 

Want to clarify ages (this way they can work for the story)  
and for the heck of it I gave everyone birthdays...there's a clue in there if you want to figure it out.  
Mark (5 May)34  
Maureen (7 July)34  
Collins(18 Dec.)turning 36  
Joanne(17 Oct.)35  
Benny (14 Dec.)turning 31  
Roger (1 Feb.)29

And just for fun:  
Angel (5 Aug.)  
Mimi (2 Jan.)  
April (13 April)

If you figure it out let me know if not I'll just tell it in the end probably.


	2. Maybe better than Planned, Sort of

Chapter One: Maybe Better Than PlannedSort Of  
(as told by Roger Davis)  
9 November

* * *

I can't believe I fell asleep.  
What time is it? 5:00 P.M.  
I can see Noah playing on the floor nearby with the few toys he has (most of them are prizes from cereal boxes or the actual box itself never underestimate the power of a cardboard box on a two year old).  
So, this isn't exactly how I saw my life going, especially after April's "note", but then came Mimi, God, I miss her and, honestly, sometimes I just want to give up, then I see him. He has his mom's eyes.  
He stops his play, looks at me, and then runs off somewhere. I lean forward to the note attached on my guitar. 

_  
Roger,  
Meet us at the Life Cafe  
Everyone_

A knock sounds at the door.  
Before I can reach it the door slowly opens on its own.  
Damn door's been broke since our "re-break in" nearly three years ago.  
There stands a girl in paint splattered jeans and a shirt that looks like it cost more than I earn in a week.

"I'm sorry," she begins to stuttered, "I knocked and it just kinda opened on its own."

_Well, I saw that_.

"I'm looking for Benny. He..forgot to turn on my utilities and I've, well, I have to..."  
I pointed to the bathroom door...I wasn't going to let her torture herself.  
She started to go in but haults midway through opening the door and extremeley flustered steps just next to the door.  
A few seconds pass and a flush sounds and the faucet, but just barely. The door opens and Noah comes out grinning. She slips in as he comes running to me.  
"I did it, ad"  
_Finally.  
_"Yes, you did"  
Yes, I, Roger Davis, am actually... phyched? is that the word?that a two year old (_**my**_ two year old) learned how to piss correctly. Being a Dad does that I guess.  
The girl comes out, "Thanks"

Come on Davis, be nice, she _is_ a friend of a friend...think of something.

"Hey, um, Benny and everyone is at the Life Cafe, you should come too"  
She slowly nods and I grab Noah and mine's stuff.  
"Can we stop by my place real quick?"  
I shrug...I don't care...I can't tell her what to do.  
"Come on in. I'll only be minute"  
I take a deep breath and carry Noah into Benny's old place..._Mimi's_ old place.  
There's a couple of trash bags in the corner. An old, _really_ nice acoustic guitar sits in the other next to an electric.  
"You play guitar?" I call.  
"Yeah, since kindergarten, my grandfather's idea" I hear.  
That grandfather I would like to have had.  
She comes from the back room in a shirt much more in my price range. She grabs a coat and I steal a glance at the picture near the door as we leave her apartment and the building all together.  
"So..um..." I start.  
I can't remember what Benny called her. Shit.  
"Cade"  
"I'm Roger, this is Noah"  
"I know Benny is quite the informant"  
"So what's your story?"  
She laughs and throw her straight, dirty blonde hair back.  
"The Moby Dick or The Little Engine That Could length"  
Noah's eyes light up at the word 'dick', he's heard that word more times than he should have.  
"Little Enginge" I answer.  
She sighs, and is instanly somber, "My parents and brother died-July 4th-and my grandfather thought it would best to find my...well, get away, while he "handled" my distraught and pregnant sister-in-law"  
I nod.  
"Here we are"  
I open the door to the cafe and set Noah down, who runs around Mark to go to Collins.  
"Caw-ins! Guess wha? I peess good"  
"That's great little man"  
I can see Mark look a little hurt as he turns back to his conversation with Joanne. Noah always seems to avoid Mark, most kids do, and most of the time he tries to too.  
Benny looks up, "Cade! How did you two...?"  
She shrugs, "A girl's got to pee"  
"...Sorry"  
"Don't worry, I'm good now...So whose everyone?"

Later that night I could hear a nearly familar song. She had messed with it or maybe it was the floor muffling it, but I could slightly hear "Mussetta's Waltz". I laughed as I started my attempt to fall asleep.

* * *

Hey, everyone, so honestly wasn't sure if I was going to get reviews are not, but I DID! many happy dances.  
Thanks goes to: 

KelbyThanks, and I'm glad you seem to like it.  
BwayDivamy 1st review, interesting, in a good way, right?

Okay, so I had an extremely hard time trying to introduce Cade into the story, let me know what you think...especially if you see problems...again first Rent fic. and I wanna do good.  
Thanks, again


	3. Why Didn't I See?

Chapter Two: Why didn't I see?  
As told by Tom Collins  
(15 NOVEMBER)

* * *

"Caw-ins?" I wake up to a small whisper. 

_Noah?_

Right, Roger has a gig.

"Why aren't you asleep, little man?"

He points down the hall to the light coming from Mark's room.

"Go back to bed, I'll take care of Uncle Mark."

He goes back into his room as I approach the light, but something stops me from going farther than just outside the door.

Mark seems lost in his own world. He watches the projector play on the wall, his back facing me. The images are old...the Mark on the wall looks about fourteen maybe fifteen in a suit...blue suit. The only sound in the room is Mark's mumbling.

* * *

(narration interrupted by Mark Cohen)

Close on Mark, idiotic, teenage Mark. February 1980. It was the big "Sweetheart" dance. Maureen and mine's first official high school dance we were allowed to attend. Afterwards...I can't believe she convinced me to go to her place...her uncle was never home and her cousin was too _busy_ to do notice us. Once wasn't going to hurt anyone.  
Yeah, right.

Zoom on April 30, 1980.  
I thought turned it off, but the camera sees all.  
I hadn't expected her to come in crying...I thought she was going to break up with me. No such luck...Her cousin, Kyle, had found her in the bathroom throwing up and helped us with everything...not out of the goodness of his heart... he just didn't want Mo spilling the beans on all his trash.

September 7, 1980: For being seven months pregnant you could barely notice...everyone thought she was just stress eating. Better that way anyhow, it took all the suspicion off. Well, I think my mom suspected something, but she never said anything.

November 5, 1980: I remember every moment of that day. Mo called at two in the morning to tell me her water broke. Kyle drove her and gave his insurance. When I finally arrived at six after telling my mom I had some meeting at school. We lied about my age...I doubt they believed me, but the nurse never questioned...maybe she should have,... or not. Finally at five, she arrived at 5 lbs. 3 oz and 18 inches long. I was scared to hold her. I thought I'd get hooked...I did, but I knew I was being stupid thinking I could raise her. She had a head pretty full of hair for a baby and birthmark on her left shoulder...I thought it looked like a crescent moon, Maureen thought it looked like drunken smile.  
...Nineteen years ago today and I can still ramble every thought in that went through my head as I signed the papers. 

Oh, well, I turn the projector off, a lot of good that does. It all only holds me back, but I need to remember. I just can't move on like Maureen did, well, how it looks like she has.

* * *

(back to Collins) 

Well, well, well...that explains a lot about you, Mark Cohen.

* * *

HEY, EVERYONE! WELL, THAT'S CHAPTER TWO.  
First Thanks to:  
BwayDiva: Thanks for sticking around, thanks for the heads up. I've already fixed the prologue, but know that while I posted this chapter I did go back and redouble check and will have fixed chapter 1

carsonheir: Thank you so much! On your suggestions, I playing with that idea for Mark, however I have some reservations about that and you'll probably see why in upcoming chapters. As for Benny...we'll see.

Kelby: Thanks goes to you too for sticking around...I wouldn't be too sure if I were you, but hey, your probably rightlet me know if it goes how you're calling it. And I'm trying to not make it a 'hook up' thing. It shall be explained in, I think the next chapter which should be up not too long after this one goes up. AND you're rightdefinitely **_NOT_** Mark. **_EWWW_**! That thought gave me the creeps. 

And I did add a "clue" in the Prologue just for fun.

Thanks for reading this chapter and hope to see you again next time!


	4. Trying

Chapter Three: Trying  
(as told by Roger Davis)  
23 December

* * *

"Oh, hey, you're here...Noah's just sleeping in the back room. Come on in." 

Cade ushers me into her apartment.  
Over the last month, Cade has been slowly intiated into the group, due in part to her connection with Benny, her seemingly never ceasing supply of Cap'n Crunch, and Noah successfullness in insulting Maureen by prefering to be watched by Cade instead of the child care center (after that, there's no arguing he takes after his dad, made me proud.).

What was it that Collins said about her?  
Oh, that's right, she seems to be a mesh of all of us, that it was our duty to take her under our wing, her being so "young". Naw, he just finally found some one he could have intellectual fights with constanly without actually being pissed. Go figure.

"Thanks for watching him."

"I should be thanking you for saving me from one of Maureen's protest...I thoguht Benny said she had stopped when the twins were born."

"She did...but, she said you were inspiration." I told her as I sat on the "couch" (which is actually two wooden crates pushed against a wall and a bed pillow stapled on top and covered with a blanket) after trying to not step on the picture albums on the floor. I saw the silver Menorah that Maureen must have seen. Her protest tonight involved something about the injustice of work and school holidays that focus on Christian holidays.

"You Jewish?" I asked, God, that sounded rude.

"Oh, the Menorah? Um...no, I'm, um, Catholic...my grandfather gave that to me as an 'apartment warming' gift. He gives me all sorts of odd things. Every birtday he gives me some version of recording device or song books for those guitars...mostly classic stuff."

She's interuppted by the phone. She lets it ring.

"This is Cade's Place, Blab on..."

Beep.

"Hannah, princess, I know you're there sitting on that death trap you call a couch. Honey, I just wanted to let you know, that as much I hate to do it, but I don't think there's going to be much of a Christmas tomorrow. You can come if you want, but it's all I can do to keep Corrine away from the bar and wine cellar. I would love to see you, just come see us when you can. If not I'll have to come up.."

Her eyes widened and she jumped up to pick up the phone.

"Gramps? Hi. Yes, Yes I know you were right. Yes, I heard every single word. No I probably won't come tomorrow. No, no"  
She began to sound concerned. "Definetley before the baby comes. You promise to call as soon as her water breaks...yes I realize that you as a seventy year old man can't be expected to help a 24 year old pregnat women that much in the delivery room. Yes, I know. I'll see. Maybe. No promises. If not Max can drive him...yes, that is what you pay him for...that and to purposely lose at chess... Yes,you are that bad...no, don't do that"

Her face suddenly darkened.

"No I'm not looking. _**DON'T**_ _**DO**_ _**THAT**_...we are **not** having this talk again. I'm ready...I don't want to. Fine! You go ahead.. just don't tell me. It _is_ fair. _Bye_. Gramps love you"

She turned to me, "Sorry."

"Don't be...Hannah."

"You call me that one more time and you'll have no choice but to leave Noah with Maureen."

I mocked fear while she plopped on the floor trying to organize the pictures.

"What are these?"

"Just pictures of a past life." she laughed.

She held one up, "This was my brother's wedding last year...Connor and Corrine could only get the church they wanted in early November,it was some small church in Kansas near where they met over a collge basketball game and Corrine had already picked out summer dresses for the bridesmaids...it was snowing."

"Aren't you the black sheep." Her parents and brother were rather short with red hair, she was at least half a head taller than her brother.

"Side effect of being adopted. My grandfather said it was like a mystery game. He said with my brother they at least knew he wasn't going to be great looking...unless Connor took after him, but with me they had no clue."

I had no clue, Cade only talked about her family when asked, but we tended to leave it alone. I know it hurt to talk about stuff like that.

"Have you ever looked for..."

"Why? It was probably the best thing that could've happened...best thing they could have done. Why bring it all back...all the pain...deciding? Sure, a little bit of me is curious, but mostly no."

I could tell she wanted to drop it, it was obvioulsy a sore topic.

"Who's that?"

In the picture she was standing in the embrace of some guy.

"Micah. He was Connor's best friend's little brother, we all hung out together...well, more like Micah and I would be stuck be watched by the other two. He's three years older than me."

She looked like she had traveled to a "happy place."

"He needed a break after Connor died." She shrugged "Aww...anyhow he went to college and I didn't want school any more and the whole long distance thing just got to me. I spent three years with nightmare of him and college chicks...and probably wasn't worth it."

"Ad", Noah came slowly out of the room sleep overpowering him.

"Hey, little man, did you behave?"

He nodded quickly.

"Let's get you upstairs so you can get back to sleep." I turned to Cade,

"We'll see you tomorrow, right?"

She shrugged, "We'll see."

* * *

(narration interupted by Mark Cohen...again chritmas eve, night) 

"Well, I don't want Mark and Cade to feel left out."

"**_Maureen_**! How many times to do I have to tell you...I'm not Jewish...I'm _Catholic_, Christmas _is my thing_!"

"Sure, dear, whatever you say."

Cade sighed, came and plopped next to me, "Mark, Mark, Mark,"

"Cade, Cade, Cade" I mocked, "Maybe if you tell her you are Jewish, she'll believe you're Catholic."

She laughed. "We'll see. So what are you doing hold up in the corner...too Christmasy?"

I shook my head, "Naw, the kids were playing, I figured I'd get out of their way. There's too many people in here any way."

"You do realize their not going to _hurt_ you, there not much they really could do, you've got four feet on them. If you would just get over your fear, you'd probably make a great dad."

My turn to laugh, "Roger and Collins are both here now, you should go give it to them..."

She smiled and ran off to the door where Roger and Collins had just brought in the take out we all chipped in to get. She led them out of the room.

* * *

(narration taken over by Collins) 

Cade led Roger and I into the back room of her place. She pulled out two Cap'n Crunch boxes, one with each of our names on it.

"Here, um, I should explain, Mark showed me the movie he made, and I, well made these for you...kind of a thank you."

I opened my box as Roger opened his. They were carved candles. Each with amazing detail and the respective names of Angel and Mimi running down one side.

I felt like I had been punched in the gut. It meant a lot, and I knew that it was Angel pulling the strings.  
Cade knew loss, but Roger and I knew ours was coming inevitably and she had no warning...but she still knew...and she cared with just the help of Mark's video.

* * *

..._today for you...if you're cold and you're lonely...I'll Cover you

* * *

_

Okay, so there's that chapter, what'd you think...I'm not too happy with the ending, not exactly how I wanted it to go but...oh, I don't know, it just came out that way...so let me know what you think

Thanks to:  
carsonheir: Noah is based of my off of my cousinany antics of Noah have probably actually happened...was this long enough or do you want longer...last chapter was really much more... it seemed to me less would be more for that.

Renthead: Thank you for reading and in an odd way I think Roger just kind of works as a dad, in really warped way...trust me fun to write.

Kelby: Yes, I think you do, but I can't read your mind. But if we're on the same page you do know.

BwayDiva: It just seemed what Mark would do...give him the credit. And I did go back and fixed the all the mistakes, I swear, but none of them seemed to take hold, the dash kept disappearing and the space didn't always work...I'm trying to figure it out.

Okay so theres three and to make sure we are all playing the same bagpipes...any description I give is based of the OBC...because, well, umm...because I said so. As I see it after Jonathan Larson these characters are theirs too...they were the one made them really come alive.


	5. Machine Interlude

Chapter 4:Machine Interlude  
(as told by the Multiple Answering Machines that decided to have thier say...who say machine aren't taking over?...A while later)

* * *

"Cade's place...Blab on." 

_**Beep**_

Hannah, Princess. it's just me. Letting you know that they're planning to go in Next Friday...thats Feb. 11 and get the baby out. As soon as you can come I would sure love the help. Call me if you need me to send Max out to drive you or if Benny or someone could drive you. Love you princess. Don't leave your Grandfather "hanging", please."

* * *

"Speak" 

_**Beep**_

"Roger? This is your Mother...just because you've been ignoring me for years doesn't mean I'm going to give up. I wanted to let you know you're brother is staying with me for a while. Come see him, dear, you two used to be so close. Roger? Please, I want to know what going on with you."

* * *

"Mo and Jo's. Name, and number, please." 

**_Beep_**.

"Joanne, kitten, where are you? Mummy and I wanted to let you know that there is a bussiness get together that we are hosting. There is a man who wanted to speak to you about some legal issues...he's willing to pay well."

* * *

"Residence of Remington Devert. Please leave your name and number and when there is time we will get back to you." 

**_Beep_**

"Gramps...it's Hannah. No need for Max, Roger's going to drive me. We're leaving on Sunday and need to stop by his mother's and then we'll be there Monday about noon. Tell Corrine. All my love."

* * *

"Anita Davis. Please leave your name and number." 

_**Beep**_

"Mom? It's me, Roger. I'll see you and Scott on Sunday. I'm bringing two um...friends. We'll stay the night if that's alright with you and then we need to make it over to Cade's grandfather's. See you soon Mom."

* * *

Okay, just a little chapter for this but no need to worry. They'll be getting longer...hopefully.  
Thanks goes to:

...: whoever you are thanks, but I don't know if I know what you mean.

Thanks and see you again next chapter


	6. Catching Up

Chapter 5: Catching Up  
(as told by Roger Davis Sunday 7 February)

* * *

I pulled the car against the curb and just sat there. Cade was keeping Noah entertained in the back seat of the car Joanne had given me when her and Maureen had bought a better one. 

"Scared?" She asked.

Hell, she didn't know the half of it.

"It's been a while...I've left everyone clueless since I left after high school. They don't know about any thing."

"Well, you're here now. Let's go."

I nodded took a deep breathe and got out of the car.

"I'll get Noah, you go ahead...it might not be great to suffocate them with two new people."

I nodded, but the door had opened before I could get a grip on my nerves, damn this was worse than playing a gig, my Mother came, nearly running, towards me.

"Roger, honey! You came!"

"I told you I would."

"And we all know how you are just Mr. Reliable." I heard my brother from the doorway.

So, honestly he's the real reason I did and didn't want to come. Growing up Scott and I always shared the spotlight, where ever he went, I went and vice versa. When you're in kindergarten being twins is cool and then it slowly dawns on you how frustrating it is by the time you hit high school. Teachers...parents...friends inevitably comparing you to each other, some girls thinking that because there is twins they can have both and then, inevitably you keep trying to beath the other, prove you _can_ do things without them attached at your hip. Right before I left we barely spoke and the last time we did...I wish we wouln't have.

"Hey, Scott"

There was obvious tension as we both stared each other down. Damnit, after all these years I would have thought I woud have stopped feeling like I was looking in a mirror.

"Great. There's two. Hi, Ms. Davis, I'm Roger's friend, Cade, it is so kind of you to welcome us into your home. Roger has told me so much about you."

That was lie, but you couldn't blame her for trying. I could tell she was desperately trying to cut the tension as seemed her natural goal in any awkward situation.

"Funny," Scott sneered, "He hasn't said much about you, come to think of it he really hasn't said anything at all in, what has it been, Roger, ten, eleven years?"

I really don't want to have this fight not in front of Noah, not now, not anytime.

"Um...Ms. Davis, could you show me where the restroom is, please?"

And the tree of them went into the house leave Scott and I to face each other.

"Scott..come on, that fight was over eleven years ago. _You won_. Just give it up. I'm not who I was when that happened... and your not the same guy either."

"How the hell would you know that?"

"Because that is what time does to people, Scott!"

"Who told you that?"

He had softened, he wasn't _as_ pissed. But his question got me, how was I supposed to answer that?  
April...Mimi...Angel...Collins...everyone I've met...hell, even Maureen. Not so much in words...

"People."

He came forward and we awkwardly had a "sibling bonding moment" as we headed inside the house.

"So what brought you back here?" I tried...he still seemed...a little...pissed.

He shrugs, "Got a job at the hospital here...they were getting desperate for doctors..."

"Hold up, so it's Dr. Davis? What happened to the piano?"

"It helped pay for school. What's up with the girl?"

"Just a friend...she about to be an aunt and needed a ride and this was on the way..."

"Was that her kid?"

I laughed and then sighed, "I really didn't want to say this twice but, no, she's the babysitter, Noah's mine. His mom...she died of...complications during labor."

I heard the footsteps coming down the hallway...

"I'll explain everything to both of you."

And I did...for the most part...the only AIDS related topic was about Angel, I left out its connection to me, Mimi, or April's death. Just being here put a lot on both of them without adding that to the mix.

Mimi used to say there was something about home that one couldn't avoid...she was right.

Cade and Scott hit it right off after they finally talked civially, dicovering their similar taste in classical music and the Temptations.

Noah successfully charmed his grandmother...overall the day was good.

Except I only got three hours of sleep...

1:00 A.M.

"Roger...come on, wake up...Scott said he'd watch Noah...come on I've got to go...Mark called...Corrine's water broke about an hour ago...Gramps called the apartment...he forgot that I wasn't there...thankfully Mark was there...Come on."

* * *

OKay, so I am really not too pleased with this chapter...I wanted to get this one up tonight but I've been multi tasking all afternoon between this and the T.V...There probably won't be another chpater for a bit...maybe a week...you see, I am a very devout Catholic...and with everything going on with the Pope...I'll be spending a good majority of time (outside of school)at church.  
So thanks for your patience. Let me know what you think...it obviously not the best... 

Um...Thank you to.  
Kelby: Okay, how about there being a twin? did you predict that too? ANd by the way I really love that story...it is sooo much better than this one...you've got some serious talent.

Carsonhier: Good length this time?...maybe...maybe not...who knows?...not me...(I probably should though shouldn't I? hmmm...better go check that out)

BwayDiva: still think it's getting better after this chapter?

Thanks everyone!

Oh...what do you guys think about Scott? Keep or put aside?


	7. In the Mirror

Chapter 6: In the Mirror (as told by Roger Davis)

(Later that morning)

* * *

"Damn it, I **_need_** to be in there! He's too old to be helping to deliver a baby!" 

"Ma'am, please calm down...everything will be alright, I'm sure you'll know the moment the baby is born."

"That's just great...when dies of a heart attack due to shock!"

"Ma'am you're overreacting."

"Come on, Cade, there's nothing you can do if she won't listen."

She follows me reluntanctly to the waiting room.  
I hate hospitals and I'm feeling extemely paranoid as I sit watching her wear down a path in floor. The door opens and I must have jumped a mile...it was just an old couple leaving.

"What's the matter? You look more nervous than I feel and your only role was bringing the lunatic aunt to reak havoc on the hospital."

"It's nothing...for some reason I always get nervous in hospitals..."

She sits down next to me.

"Mimi?" she asks somewhat cautiously.

"Naw, well, a little bit...but way before then. Scott and I were ten...

* * *

(_**ten year old Roger**_) 

..."Come on Scott! Don't be such a wuss! Jaime and Ian are doing it, hell even _Mark_ is up here."

I don't know why he didn't want to, he'd done it before. Hell, if fifteen year old Mark was up here there is no reason in my mind why we _couldn't_ do it.

I could here him calling up from the bottom of the metal tower, "And I suppose if our little brothers or your best friend told you to jump off a mountain, you'd do that, too?"

I laugh and call down, "Hell, yes...now shut up and come on...you're starting to sound like Mom."

I joined Jaime, Ian and Mark on the platform at the top and Mark leaned over to me,

"I thought the oldest was the wisest?"

Scott shouted, "He's only older by two minutes...guys, no spitting...alright I'm coming..."

I laugh my head off...he's always been easy to push.

I lean over the edge just in time to see him look up.

I guess the sun blinded him but the next moment his leg and arm miss the next rung by a foot.

It seems to go in slow motion...he hits his head against a bar and just tumbles and crashes down a good ten feet.

We can't get down fast enough...Mark, goes for the phone.

* * *

I inhaled, "I just remember waiting in the waiting room, while the nurses kept asking what happened...and knowing it was my fault. He had to use a wheelchair for a couple months..." 

"That sucks...at least he didn't die." Cade interjects.

"yeah...I just remember they wouldn't let me go in either. And we were normally always within feet of each other...but, that was then, this is now. I'm being stupid..I'm acting like a...girl."

"What's _wrong_ with being a girl?"

"Well, um..." I joke

A few moments go by.

"You knew Mark back then?"

"Yeah, we'd been in the same elementary school/ junior high build and our mothers were friend...he's was the only one who could tell the diferences between Scott and I...they built a new junior high when he was in seventh grade that he had to go to...then we had a "break" until my senior year..because we all thought after Scott and I "went to college" ie left town we'd never see each other after that...and now I live in the same apartment with the guy...go figure..."

I could tell she was waiting for more...who knows how long we were going to be in here.

"That's when we had the fight...Scott and I. Senior year."

* * *

(eighteen year old Roger) 

"Come on Scott...aren't you going to come?"

"No, I've got to finish this paper..."

"It's not due for a week."

"It's due tomorrow."

"A week, a day. What's the difference? Let's have some fun...it'll just be you, me and Mark, I told you he's back from Brown for a week. Can't believe he's survived three years there. Anyhow, come on,I swear Maureen or Linda won't be there...they've got rehearsal."

"No, Roger. You know, we don't always have to do everything together. We're eighteen and I can't hold your hand and help you do everything."

"_I_ don't ever need your help...I'm helping you get out of the house...I'm the only reason you have a social life..."

"Well, thanks but no. Your social life involves playing the guitar, smoking, getting wasted, barely avoiding trouble...helping your friends get in trouble...go hang out the friends who still want you screwing up their lives. Your just like Dad."

"Take that back...I am _nothing_ like him."

"Oh come on Roger, you both seem to want to end up a no body."

I can't stand it any more. My left fist connects with his stomach and my right with his face.

"I don't ever want to hear you say that again...and you don't need me? Fine. I don't need you either, I never have. You think you're so much better off than me, that alright, for all I care you can die a lonely, miserable virgin who no body cares about."

I could hear him as I grabbed my stuff randomly into my duffel bag that used to be my soccer bag, "Yeah, I suppose everybody will care about you when you fail music and die of a drug overdose."

Andthen I was gone.

* * *

I hate the past and thankfully I'm saved by an elderly man coming into the room. Cade runs to him.. 

"Hannah, princess! you made it...the nurse told me about some pissed teenager...knew it was my girl."

"How are they?"

"Well, it's a boy, and Corrine, well, she as good as she'll ever be." He sighed.

"What's his name?" She looked happier than a kid on Christmas Day.

"Matthias Orsen Devert..."

Poor kid...

"...and there's something Corrine wanted to talk to you about..."

* * *

and now time for everybody's favorite part...(DRUM ROLL) Authors Note! 

First of all I want to thank everyone for there patience and understanding. It meant a lot.  
So I worked pretty hard to get some past history stuff in here. So let me say, Last night was opening night of our theatre's production (which I help "manage") so I didn't get home until 11:30, then worked on homework until the pope's funeral aired and then worked on this afterward until class at 7:30, and let me tell you sleep is so over rated 'cos I'm not getting any sleep until 12 tonight!

So now I'll stop ranting and get to the important stuff:

...: (that looks like an "L", sideways) no problem on the name, if you don't mind if/ when (hoping for "when" but your choice) you review again, I think I'll call you "L" unless you're quite attached to ... but thanks for clearing that up. I was a little worried about that, but I'm still going to have multiple narrators from time to time but if it get too out of hand just let me know, thanks for the imput.

Kelby: I didn't want to become _too_ predictable...so, twin thing: good, right?

Lils: Thanks...and thanks...

BwayDiva: Thanks for your opinion..and so far looks like he's staying...does that mean I'm brilliant, hmm...? (_I can answer that...no, right? )_ ...well, on that couple, what do you think...I will tell you I am playing with that idea

carsonheir: on the length I didn't mean to offend you or anything...it was meant in good humor...I do have a bad tendency to write chapter that are way too short and end up leaving stuff out...how was this for Roger History w/ Scott and all...and about Dr. Phil...I personally like having people opinion, on my writing, it helps make it better, especially if it is a**_good_** opinion...won't make it my creed but I keep it in mind, you know?

Thanks, again, every one I value each and everyone of your opinions.

And thanks to everyone who is even reading it! You guys rock!

Until next time, this is me...signing out.


	8. A Quick New Light

Chapter 7: A Quick New Light (as told by Mark Cohen)  
The morning Cade's Nephew was born

* * *

I groggily pulled on my pants, grabbed a shirt, and my camera from its place on the make-shift chest of drawers before making my way out to fetch my morning portion of good ol' Cap'n Crunch. Both Collins and Benny were sitting on the couch with a smile on each of their faces that, if I didn't know better, would make me believe that they were drunk. 

"Why haven't you to headed to the studio, yet?" I asked .

Benny laughed, "We've decided to take a small time to enjoy this little bit of heaven granted to us this morning."

"What are you talking about?"

"Mark," Collins began, "Listen, hear that? _Exactly_! No Noah screaming about waking up, no Roger "_speaking_ _loudly_" telling the boy to get his pants on, no Roger practicing at five in the morning, no Benny getting frustrated at Roger, No you having to intervene, as much as I enjoy the disorder...I have to admit this is..._nice_!"

I laughed and abandoned my (_dry_) cereal to sit in between them. We enjoy a few minutes of quite solitude before the door busted open and all three of us look to door. The sight nearly deserved the Exorcist theme song.

There stands Maureen, a twin on each hip standing defiantly in the door way and we can vaguely see Joanne in the background.

Her face lights up as she sees us on the couch as she sees us, "Look an oreo!"

Collins sighs, "Well, so much for that, it's gone, Benny, let's face it we'll never get it back."

Maureen seems to ignore the comment, mostly because she mostly likely didn't _understand_ it. She heads in to the kitchen, sets Roman on the table and hands him my cereal.

"Feed your kids your own cereal."

"Maureen ate it all." Joanne says, "We just came to inform you, we are all, save Mark, going to be late."

There were a round of sighs as Joanne liberates my cereal and the group made their way out the door.

Hell, I'm really don't feel like be left alone, so I too soon make my way out the door within ten minutes. However, when I open the door I'm faced with a man clad in brown who looks extremely lost,

"Can I help you?"

"I'm looking for a Mark Cohen or Maureen Johnson."

I'm sure at this point I look more puzzled than he does,

"I'm..um, I'm Mark."

"Package. Please sign here."

I sing and take the large box back into my room. A letter is taped on top.

I haven't anyone who would send me anything, not even my Mother sends me anthing...in February.

And yet I'm not curious, just anxious to film something, so I leave it for later and make my way out of the building and towards the park. Sitting on a bench I begin filming random things, not that much is really happening. Soon I hear giggling. I look up. A small girl sits on the bench next to me, and I'm driven into the past. I can see my self teaching my daughter how to take pictures and film...

"Whatcha doin' mister?" I'm brought back to reality by the little girl.

"Filming." I mumble, she giggles.

"How old are you?" I ask. She holds up five fingers. Where is her mother? or someone?

As if aswering my question we can hear, "Kenna! McKenney Hope! Where are you?"

The girl goes in to a bigger fit of giggles as the woman approaches and spots the girl.

"Kenna, what have I told you?"

"I'm sorry, Momma."

The womanlooks in my direction and I'm sure she thinks I had something to do with it.

"She just came up here...I didn't.."

She smiles, "It's alright I know it's not your fault...she tends to run off, I don't how to get her to stop."

I feel like I own them something...I don't know why.

Reaching my hand and making sure I still had the ten in my wallet as undercover as I can I ask, "How bout if we get ice cream, will you promise to stop running away?"

Kenna nods and I look to the woman, who shrugs, "Well, it can't hurt, can it? I'm Adele...Ella Kirson."

"Mark Cohen." I extend my free hand.

"I'm Kenna!"

"He already knows that, baby."

We begin to walk towards the Life Cafe as that is the only place we're both familiar with. Kenna insisted on me carrying her.

"She likes you, you have any kids?" Ella asks.

Um...yes...no...sorta...how do I answer that?

"Sorta."

"How do you accomplish that?"

"I had a daughter when I was...younger...we gave her up for adoption and now I live with my friend and his son...and my ex girlfried and her partner and their twins are over enough they might as well live there."

"Sounds like some life story."

You don't know the half of it.

All too soon I find myself alone back in the loft with her number.

* * *

(one week later)

"Mark! Wake up. I'm back. Miss me?" Roger's voice sounds into my room.

"Cade too?" I mumble into my pillow.

"Cade and guest."

"Guest?" I mumble.

"Her sister-in-law, that..., anyhow, now Cade is watching her nephew until her sister-in-law gets out of some rehab for the depressed."

Yet another kid to add to the loft..yeah...not.

"Noah is still with my mom, though, Benny told me about Ella. What's goin' on. hey, what's that?"

I lean up to see what he's talking about. The box...

"Come on Mark"

I grumble and he disappears.

Before going out I turn my attention towards the mysterious box...tear open the letter...

and my world falls apart.

* * *

Author's Notes... 

BwayDiva: Gotta love tension. What's wrong with that name? I thought it was cute.

carsonheir: well, what a weird mess that was. LOL. well, still in good humor, how was the length? And at least someone likes the kids name. And everthing did go great. Sold out 3 nights out of 6! I call that good.

Lils: I was worried about the flashbacks...and sort of...all to be explained...hopefully.

until next time this is me...signing out.


	9. Debating

_**Minor Note: Age Discrepancy in Ch. 6 (#7) Fixed**_

* * *

Chapter Eight: Debating  
as told by Mark

* * *

_Mr. Cohen, Ms. Johnson:_

_ My name is Remington Devert and I am writing to on behalf of my son, and his wife and daughter.  
Ian and Victorria adopted Isobella Cohen on 15 Nov. 1980, and requested that I find you should anything happen to them. It was their deepest wish that you could, if you so choose, to be reunited with your daughter and allowed to develop a relationship.  
__They had tried to find you when she was younger and was unable. He stopped and they decided to wait until she was old enough to understand. Victorria made copies of everything and has gathered them in case you were to be found.  
My granddaughter, now nineteen, is unsure of the situation, but as a grandfather I thought it would be in the best interest to notify you of your daughter's adoptive parents death of a year ago and finally give to you the box of mementos. Should you choose not to know either send it back, I'll cover the fee, or keep it until you are ready. My deepest apologies for the delayment._

_Remington Devert._

I couldn't do anything but stare at the letter I held in my hands. I never expected this, I probably hoped for it somewhere. I didn't need any convincing to open the box, convincing myself I'd tell Maureen later.

I skim through baby pictures and elementary school pictures. _Isobella_, but then again I don't know if that is still her name. I dig through the box to another album. This one is marked 'HIGH SCHOOL', inside is a copy of her diploma. The name catches my eye...No. it wouldn't be...it _couldn't_, but it is. As I look through the pictures my suspicions are confirmed.  
The pictures slowly become someone I recognize, can put a name to, one that is definitely not Isobella. I turn back to the coped diploma.

Hannah Cadyn Devert...**_Cade_**.

I realize they kept her middle name.

Suddenly Roger barges into my room.

"Mark, come o...what's this? Is that Cade?"

He looks at me suspiciously and I fumble to put everything back in the box.

"What's going on Mark?"

He sits on the mattress near me.

"Um, Roger," I guess have to tell him otherwise it'd be hard to explain.

"Roger, do remember when Scott got into that accident a month after your guy's birthday?"

He nods, "And not too long after that you said you were 'too old' to play with us. As a ten year old, that was like getting punched. I was a pathetic ten year old."

"Yes, you were, but that's not the point, um...you see Maureen and I we um...well, Maureen got pregnant."

He just kind of stared at me.

"When? Then?"

I nod. "We gave her up for adoption...when we started hanging out again it had been a couple of years, and not even my parents knew, well, I hadn't told them."

"It's Cade isn't it? That why you have her pictures."

"I just found out right before you came in."

He gets up, "Mark, don't take this the wrong way, but don't tell her. I'm your best friend and I really don't care that I didn't know...it's your business, but I talked to Cade about it once and she said she doesn't want to know."

I would have protested but he continued, "Besides you need to figure it out...take time to just think about it."

He's probably right.

There is a sudden, loud squeal from below and after a minute we can hear our door open and then,

"Ad! Daddy?"

Roger looks at me, "Noah? He wasn't supposed..."

He trails off and we find the two year old Davis trying to reach a bowl of abandoned cereal.  
Roger comes from behind and lifts him up.

"Hey little man! How'd you get here?"

"Uncle Scott."

"Where is Uncle Scott?"

The box just grins and points down.

* * *

(narration interrupted by Roger)

I hand Noah off to Mark, "Can you watch him for a few seconds. I'm gonna go down there for a sec."

Mark going down there might not be the best idea right now.

As I go down the stairs, I push aside what Mark told me.  
Who'd of guessed?

I knock and the door opens.

"Roger. Did Noah get up to the loft okay?"

"Yeah. I just came to see why my brother was down here."

Scott shrugs, "I'm moving in."

I think I just threw up a little in my mouth,  
"What? What about your job?"

He shrugs again, "Quit, I've never seen a group of more pompous jerks. And Cade's going to need help with Matty."

Cade gives a light punch on my arm, "Oh come on Roger it's not like there is any room upstairs. Plus, they always need help at the clinic."

I feel like the roles have been reversed, I've become the conscience, worried one, and Scott's gone all care free and wild.

This is not happening.

"Are you two...um, you've obviously been communicating...are you.."

Cade looks at me,

"Would it bother you?"

It wouldn't have if it hadn't been for two minor details, one, Scott is my brother, and two, the small bit of information Mark had disclosed.

* * *

(Back to Mark)  
Since he came back Roger hasn't said much. He's just playing the guitar...reworking yet another song and Noah is taking a nap.

The phone rings.

"Speak"

_Beep_.

"Mark? Mark Cohen? Uh...this is Ella Kirson..I thought I'd see if you were really serious about the offer from last week. Call..."

"Ella? No, this is his roommate, Roger, Mark's right here...he was detained."

He holds the phone in my direction, and mouths, this might help

How the hell did he think that was going to help?

"Hi, Ella, yeah...sure...that sounds good."

* * *

Author's notes:

BwayDiva: Do you see? I didn't intend on a cliff hanger it just got really long.

Lils: Is this soon enough?)

Kelby: Still? Is that what you saw in the box (It probably is isn't it?)

carsonheir: again, didn't intend for the cliffie but that threat actually doesn't sound too bad really, made I should write more cliffies...

okay, how was that? I just needed a transition chapter and I'm so excited about the next couple of chapters my self so you are warned.

Until next time this is me...signing out.


	10. Starting Something

Chapter 9: Starting Something  
(as told by Roger)

* * *

Since Scott moved in last week I've been avoiding him like the plague. It's not so much him living _with_ Cade, the two insisting they were really just friends. It was the fact he lived down stairs. I've spent the last thirteen years seperating myself from him. And now he'sliving on the other side of the floor.

"What's up Roger?"

And now he's in my room, leaning against the wall, arms crossed. I send Noah out of the room.

"Why'd you move here Scott?"

"A friend needed help."

"That's bullshit Scott, you know her for a week and you're just dishing out help?"

He looks down.

"Okay, so you have a point..."

"You're damn right I do."

"Roger, just listen, would you? I haven't seen you in years and we used to be each other's shadows. And I know you never liked that but, hell, at least when that was going on we saw each other...talked to each other. Roger, you're my brother, and I don't want things to end on the same note as they did in that last argument..."

"Who says that things are going to end?"

"Rog, I'm not stupid, I'm a _doctor_, plus Noah kept talking about how Uncle so-and-so always has to tell Daddy to take his AZT. How long have you had it?"

I shrugged, "About five years. So you just came here in case I die?" I spat.

He laughed, he _laughed_. No, more of a nervous sigh.

"Yes and no. But more to know more about my brother before that time comes. It never hurts to have an extra shadow. Hell, Roger, ten-to-one you'll live forever just to spite me."

"So, Cade in on all of this?"

He nods.

She'd do anything to help a friend. _Just like Mark_.

"Do you rember that time when we tried to skip school? We had gotten our liscences?" He asked.

"But we couldn't get past the driveway because Mom came home on break to us arguing over who was going to drive. What about the time I convinced you we should switch places at least once?"

He laughed, "I hated you for that when I found the only reason you wanted to switch was because Todd Carlton promised to kick your head in that day."

"But I stopped him didn't I?"

"Yeah, you were alway looking out for my back no matter how much we hated each other.."

Okay, so I used to have a warped sense of loyalty.

He looked at me straight in eye, "Now it's my turn okay, Roger, now it's my turn."

* * *

**_(as told by Mark: skip ahead to April)_**

As much I don't think I should, I don't say a word to Cade. Hell, I didn't even say anything to Mo about it.

I told Ella though, it seemed to help.

I've ended up spending more time with her and McKenney than I do in the loft. I know it's not completely right, but in a way when I watch Kenna, it's almost like making up for what I missed with Isobe...Cade.

I sigh as I collapse on my bed in a rare moment where I'm occupying the loft. I had just gotten back from going with Ella and Kenna to preview Kenna's kindergarten, that Ella's father was paying for...Ella didn't want to feel out of place...so I tagged along...

"You're here! Finally." I look up to see Cade stepping in the room.

"Cade, now is not a good time for..."

"Mark, there's never been a good time so you're just gonna have to suck itup. I just want to know what I did to get you pissed at me."

"I'm not pissed at you."

_How could I?_

"So, you just don't want to talk to me?"

"Maybe I don't want to talk for a rea..."

"What's this?" She ask as she comes to sit next to me on the bed. She's seen the box wide open.

"That's just som.."

"That' my first day at school...How in hell do you have that?"

But even as she says it, I can she her connecting the dots.

"He did it,..but that would make you my dad."

I look down, expecting her to yell or run out of the room.

Instead she just collapsed next to me dumbfounded.

Silence.

_More_ _Silence_. And then...

"Wow. I always thought that I didn't want to know, but now that I know, well at least you...there's this relief I never expected...you've known for two months and it you never mentioned it?"

"I thought you wouldn't...might be too much."

"Funny, that was always my excuse to not look for you..."

She looked at me, and smiled, "Let's not avoid each other any more okay?"

"Definately, hey where's Matty?"

"Collins was in the living room, said he'dteach Matty about how anarchy worked...he was just joking right?"

She got up and scurried to the living room.

I smiled, but soon I stopped...

_"Mark! Get your ass in here!"_

Then I could hear Cade calling for Scott to get his ass up here.

What the hell could be wrong?

* * *

Hey, Everyone: So here's the author's Notes:

So added this chapter last minute..I had going about thirty different ways..I hope I picked the right one)

_**Lils:**_ Yeah, Mark/Mo were 15 when she was born. And typically I'm against any type of addiction however, this one I think is safe...heck, who am I to stop it? )

**_Kelby:_** Like how the mood of that review flipped coins...Yeah, I it was supposed to feel 'rushed' that's what would make Roger suspcious. How was the beginning for Davis brother background for a start more to come later on.

_**Sammi:**_ Hey. Thanks..

**_Carsonheir_**: Don't worry 'bout it. Now that threat would be more...threatening if let's say Benny or Noah or even Mark attempted to play the Fender at Five in the morning, while drunk, well not Noah.

_**BwayDiva:**_ Well, I don't know about _THAT_! but thanks any how. Do like or not like Ella?

Until next time this is me...signing out.


	11. Back into the Arms he Loves

Chapter 10: Back into the Arms He Loves  
(as told by Mark)

* * *

Thomas B. Collins always broke the rules...  
All the way to the end.

The doctors said he wouldn't wake up again.

On the second day, he was up to call us each in one by one.  
Roger had been the first one he called in. We could all see how this was tearing at Roger, his vunerabilty brought to the forefront...the inevitablity of the entire situation. Roger came out to me a whispered, "Your turn."

I slowly got up and walked in.

"Mark..hey."

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

He shrugged, my questions weren't important, he had his own agenda,

"Mark, look for her...I..saw you watching..the tape. Find her."

It took me a second, but I leaned over and whispered, "I already have...Cade."

Something about the way his face began to contort told me he found this to be amusing. A few moments of silence went by before he sent me out to get Cade.

On the third day,Collins did what possibly only Collins could really think about. He insisted that we have his memorial service while he was still alive.  
He made us swear we would "just throw him in ther ground next to Angel"  
But that was just his way of doing things. His way of handling death. He didn't see it as leaving life he saw it as going to his life. Angel was...is his life.

We all crowd into the room. He insisted on meeting Ella and Kenna while he could, so twelve of stand shoulder to shoulder in the small room. His doctor said no but that only made Collins more adament.  
His speech was slow and far in between but he had said all he needed to say before. When he was done he didn't wait long.  
A small smil spread and that was it.  
he had found his hearbeat outside of living.  
_He was back with Angel._

I stared in disbelief for minutes while the nurses came in until I realized Kenna was standing next to me. I picked her up and made my way out of the room.

Cade and Ella followed me with the other kids, I don't why we kept them in there. They didn't understand.

Cade came up to me, "You okay? Who am I kidding, right? Um, I'm going to migrate the kids back to the loft...you all take your time okay?"

"I'll go with you," Ella said as she took McKenney and before leaving, hugged me.

I watch the two of them solemnly lead the five kids down the hallway before going back into the room.

Roger is leaning against the wall, his eyes closed...remembering.

Maureen is sitting numb while Joanne's hand uses Mo's shoulder for support.

Benny stands nearest the door calmly taking it all in.

So here we are again. And so we'll go on...

* * *

..._take me, take me...today me...

* * *

_

Author's notes:

I really never planned for this to happen but...I don't know...it wrote itself..so I apologize if it seems out of place or abrupt...but some how I really had no say...characters know what they want before the author does...

**Kelby**: I don't know if you saw this coming, as not even I did, but it will hopefully progressive come next chapter. I agree..sap..eh.

**Carsonheir**: Thanks as always...and I hope you get to feeling better.

**BwayDiva**: Awkwardness makes the world go around...so no cliffie for this chapter, maybe next time )

**Lils**: No, Mo's still clueless. she'll find out eventually...eventually

oh...there's a new pope...happened really fast..well, considering...Pope Benedict the 16th...formerly Cardinal Joseph Ratzsinger...! from Germany!


	12. A Familiar Emotion

Chapter Eleven: A Familiar Emotion  
(as told by Roger)

* * *

I left the hospital after only moments. I couldn't take it any more. I walked the streets back

toward the loft unwillingly losing myself in thought.

First April.

Then Angel.

Then Mimi.

Now Collins.  
My world is slowly falling apart, our family is slowly just going away.  
_And One day it's gonna be me._

Right now the one thing I really want, is the one thing I know I can't have. The one thing I

shouldn't have. And as I come back to reality I find myself on a familiar street corner. I have a couple of bucks, why not?

"Dad! Dad, come on!"

I turn around. A boy about eight years old is pulling a man from next to a building. The man is obviously drunk or high. The boy is struggling to balance the man as a woman runs to them and steps on the other side of the man and the three of them soon turn down a nearby street.

_What the hell was I thinking?_

I slowly take a few moments to just clear my head. I'm really losing it. How much more of this am I really supposed to be able to take?

Eventually I make my way back to the loft.

Mark and Ella are in the kitchen, talking. The little girl is on the couch and Benny is on his cot nearby, just staring at the ceiling.

"Hey, you're back." Mark stands.

I shrug. He nods.

"Maureen and Joanne came by to pick up the twins. Cade, Scott and Matty are down stairs. Scott was getting pretty worried. Noah's asleep."

"Okay, thanks, um, I guess I'll to see Scott..."

"If you want I'll go tell him you're back." Mark offers.

I shrug, he makes his way back to the door, and I make my way to my room.

As I pull off my coat and sit on by bed I can hear the small sounds of Noah's snoring coming from the toddler bed.

He asleep oblivious to the rest of the world and all its troubles.

God, I wish he didn't have to grow up...didn't have to know.  
If only I could only protect him forever...

But I can't.

All too fast I'm asleep and then the morning comes and I am up again.  
Making my way to the kitchen I can see that Ella stayed over, the little girl is still on the couch asleep.

"Hey," Benny says as he hands me the box of Cap'n Crunch and a bowl.

"Hey, yourself."

A few moments go by, Benny and I have never been one to really give the talking thing a try.

"Hey, um, I don't think any of us are going in today...to the studio."

I nod. We both know he's stating the obvious just to be talking.

"I'm thinking about taking Noah out, hanging out, just the two of us." I say.

It was something Collins had suggested quite often and I guess I had just avoided it.

"That sounds like a good idea."

I finish my cereal, take a shower and head back to my room. Noah is still asleep laying sprawled so that the blanket had fallen off and his own plaid pants laid revealed. He had wanted a pair "just like Daddy's".

"Hey, little man, let's get up."

He groans and rolls over. Definitely not a morning person.

"Come on let's go...I've got a treat for you."

That kind of helps and soon he's finishing his own bowl of cereal.

"Come on, lets go."

I help him into his coat and we are out of the loft.

For the most part we just walk towards the park, occasionally I have to pull him away from something he wants to touch.

Once we get to the park, he starts running around and I lose myself in chasing him.

"Can cat me daddy" (_Can't catch me daddy_.)

He runs to a bench, sits down and laughs.

I sit down next him.

"Guess I caught you little man."

"Yah"

We both sit and catch our breaths.

He looks at me and just asks,

"Is Caw-ins wit Mommy?"

I look at him, and for some reason I'm fighting tears.

"Yeah,"

He nods,

"Will you go to Mommy?"

How am I supposed to tell him?

He waits patiently and I swallow hard,

"One day, little man."

He just nods gets off the bench, turns to me and smile.

"Cat me daddy." (Catch Me daddy)

* * *

Okay hey every body. there's chapter eleven.

**BwayDiva**: I'm glad someone saw that too.

**Kelby**: And as always there more to come.

**Carsonheir**: I'm curious to know what you think of Roger's reaction. Glad to hear you're feeling better

**Lils**: Thanks for the review all the same.

Until next time this is me...signing out.


	13. The Match That Lit the Fire

Chapter Twelve: The Match That Lit the Fire  
(As Told By Benny Coffin III)  
2 May (One week after Collins Death)

* * *

So call me a pessimist, but I'm just waiting for it to happen.  
The moment we all explode, the one moment we all can't help but hate each other.  
It happens everytime. 

When April died Roger dove more into drugs before going into rehab. I went off, taking the final step into spending all my time with Allison. Maureen and Mark went into what was to become the final battle of their relationship.

When Angel died, there was the whole Mimi, Roger and Me triangle. And Yet another fight and makeup that led in to further rushed discussions between Mo and Joanne. And Mark trying to avoid directly interferring with anyone else's problems.

When Mimi died Roger avioded every one and only spent minimal time with Noah. I was still in shock from Allison's reveal and this just added insult to injury in a way. Mark went deeper into self denial. Maureen and Joanne spent more time at their own place instead of the loft only because they didn't want (Maureen specifically) to accidently insult Roger.

Yet ever time we pulled back together, actually, it was Collins who pulled us back together.  
And a group, a family, can only break apart so many times before it too far gone to repair.  
And to make it all worse we have more people this time than ever before to add to all the drama.

And that's one thing our group has too much of.

Roger dealing with all his issues...not willing to share any of it with any one.  
Mark's been hiding something..then again for the one who is always telling us to keep everthing out it doesn't surprise me.  
Maureen and Joanne...well, their self explanatory.  
Cade is a whole mess of something just waiting to happen.  
Scott...I avoid him most of the time...one Davis is enought to handle at a time.

And here I am just waiting for the spark.  
I know it's going to happen.  
Don't get me wrong I don't want it to happen, but it's just one of those things that are inevitable.

* * *

(interupted by Maureen)  
5 May- Mark's birthday 

"What are you thinking about?" Joanne sits next to me on the couch. She had just finished putting the kids down to sleep. We had just gotten back from the loft, we ate cake and that's about it while I pretended to attempt in cheering everyone up...all in vain. No feels really like partying. Poor Marky.

"..nothing." I let slip. She gives me that look I would love any time but now.

"just stuff" I try again.

"Collins?"

I shake my head.

"Momma?" a small whisper comes into the room.

Aurora comes shuffling into the living room. "I can't sleep."

I bounce up pretending nothing is the matter anymore, "How 'bout I sing you to sleep"  
She cocks her head and nods as I pick her up.

She smiles like me and it's when I see that I can't help but wonder...if Izzy has my smile too?

When I get Aurora to sleep I come back out, "Pookie, I need to run to the loft real quick, shouldn't be too long."

She just shrugs as I shut the door.

As I quickly run up the steps I can hear crying from Cade's place...only one more week til Matty goes home to his mom.

I open the door to the loft.

"Hey, Mo? Did you forget something."

Shit. It's Ella, I wanted to talk to Mark.

"Yeah, I think so, where's Mark?"

"Bathroom."

I head into the kitchen and pretend to look for something.

Yet I do find something. On the table lies a simple birthday card Mark opened up. I can't help but take a peak...he seemed...amused when he opened it...

so I opened it...

_Happy Birthday!_

_So here's a first for us, right? um...hope the next years better...(I just want to try it once..okay?) Happy Birthday-Dad. (little weird?)_

_Cade_

"Mark?" I come back into the living room, "What the hell is this?"

* * *

Author's notes: 

Okay every one, so I wrote and re wrote this chapter twenty times...I'm not kidding. Personally, I don't like this chapter, but it says what needs to be said . Plus alot's been happening.

I had two fundraisers, and I got to see the Amneris company regional tour of Aida, which was pretty awesome, plus half a dozen other things that I had to attend and/or make an appearance.  
So I hope this chapter is somewhat statisfying although I do relize that Mo does seem a bit out of character, but keep in mind she has changed as a person so it is really hard to writer her accurately.

**BwayDiva**: Thanks as always. yes, I thought so too...beautiful? thanks.

**Kelby**: thanks as always goes to you as well..I always look forward to your reviews.

**Carsonheir**: here is some irony: Collins is actually my favorite character both in general and to write. Roger is my #3 from Rent...#8 in general. (I know semi-pathetic that I actually rank them)

**Lils**: I agree. And how was this for an update.

And to everyone. I appriciate everyone's reviews and look forward to reading them. I would love to hear...read...any suggestions or concerns anyone reading this story may have.

so...

_until next time this is me,...signing out._


	14. Yet I'm Still Here

Chapter Thirteen--Yet I'm Still Here  
(as told by Joanne Jefferson)  
6 May

* * *

She lies.  
She calls me Pookie.  
She cheats.  
She breaks my heart. 

_Yet I stay_.

_And I'm still here_.

Sometimes I second guess myself.

Why?  
Why do I stay?  
Why do I love her?  
_Do_ I love her?

There are times when I look at her and I don't think that I do.  
Don't get me wrong, there will always be things I love _**about**_ Maureen.  
How she gave me Roman and Aurora.  
How there are times she makes me laugh...at her.  
And the few moments when she is the Maureen who actually care about someone other than herself.

_And yet I'm still here_.

She came homelast night in tears. I found her in the kids' room just watching them sleep.

And she told me everything. It's the most of the truth I've ever heard out of her at one time.

Then she said she was sorry.

She says that word so many times sometimes I don't know if she means it any more.

This morning Mark called but she refuses to talk to him and for once I don't try to push the situation. This might be the time she has a right to be mad. All this morning she was acting like a time bomb waiting to go off.

_The door_.

Cade stands there staring at the floor.

Her normally tough-girl posture, her somewhat stubborn stance..._a little like Maureen_...is gone.  
She looks vunerable...lost.

I don't know if Mark told her or she heard it through the floor.

"...Can..I come...in?"

"Sure...where's Matty?" I ask stepping aside.

"Scott volunteered to watch him...is Maureen here?"

I nod, "She just put the kids to nap, she's probably in our room...second on the left."

She nods and I watch her go down the hall. The door shut behind her and I cautiously go towards the door slightly afraid that Mo might act out against Cade. But after a few moments I hear a small chuckle and relived, I go to the living room to work on some papers for the studio.

It seemed like hours and I had already started fixing some pita loaf for the kids when I see Cade coming down the hall. She pauses, turns around and stops in the door frame she had exited.

"Thanks."

She came back down hall.

"Cade, how about some dinner?"

"Um...no thanks, Joanne, I've got to get back to Matty, but..um,"

"Alright, but Cade...any time you want to stop by, you know you've always been welcome..."

"Thanks...um," she come into the kitchen, "Never mind."

She leaves and shortly after the door shuts Maureen comes down the hall...I don't know if she's put her mask back on or if she's really this happy.

"Hellooo, Pookie, Pookiette, and Pookie Jr...What's for dinner?"

* * *

Author's Notes. 

Hey folks...um it was going to be longer...and sooner in coming but I had a brief spell in the hospital, I, obviously, hadn't forseen...(but during which time I came up with a Rent/Harry Potter with poss. Aida kind of crossover idea...but I don't know if I'll post it). Hopefully this compensates for the ugh..that was the last half of the last chapter.

But I got eight reviews! So you people made my day...I hit 50 reviews for this story...I'm phyched...but that how I get after every single review so keep them coming.

**BwayDiva**: Thanks, and I agree w/ the Mo part...but as I said earlier awkwardness make the world go around, but now I see why people refrain from Maureen...she get enough attention by just being mentioned not to mention when she's narrating.

**carsonheir**: secrets safe with me. Benny's is much better than Mo's I agree. And who knows...we'll see what they want...you're really into Dr. Phil aren't you?

**L.M. Ward**: Glad you like it! I'll tell you a little secret: I had tears writing Collins out..but he insisted so what can you do, eh?

**Lils**: Thank, and I hope I was of some help...Drama also makes the world go round...right along with awkward ness and Cherrios...

**callmenny**: hey, it's not finished yet but I'm really happy you found it...really (about char and style) Thanks so much.

**Lisa Anne1**: Thanks so much. Hope you like this chap.

**The Redheaded Duck**: funny you should have read the WHOLE thing when the Whole thing isn't written..sorry..forgive me I'm drugged (legally of course). What do you think of the new characters...up to par?

**rentjunkie6688**: thanks and I hope you enjoy all future updates

ok...anyone see the Tony noms?

for any Wicked fans...Norbert Leo Butz (org. Fiyero _but I suppose those who care would already know that_) got a nom for his role in _Dirty Rotten Scoundrels_

and _Spamalot_ is up for fourteen nominations!

* * *

_until next time this is me...signing out_. 


	15. The Life She Wanted

Chapter 14: The Life She Wanted  
a.k.a- 2nd part to Ch. 13  
as told by Joanne Jefferson  
the day after last chapter

* * *

I could hear the guitar from the moment I had reach the middle of the first set of stairs on the way to the only two lofts in the building I ever wish to visit. 

I assummed the guitar was Roger, but it wasn't him I was here to see.

Ever since last night, I had been...dwelling on Cade's visit. I knew she wanted to talk, she had obviously wanted to say something, but like both Mark and Maureen, Cade has trouble with words when emotion is involved.

As I approached the door I could now tell the guitar was not coming from Roger, but Cade. I knocked on the door. The "music" stopped as I knocked again.

"It's open! Come on in." I heard a shout, and the noise started up again.

I walked into place to see the loft was spotlessly clean, which was in great contrast to how I normally find it. At first I don't see any one but as I turn towards to the kitchen Ican seeCade draped somewhat up side down over the "kitchen table", guitar in hand, and eyes closed as she absentmindedly strummed.

"Cade, Cade..._CADE_."

"Sorry,"

"What are you doing, honey?"

She gave it a moment,

"You know how some people eat their emotions? Well, that's basically what I'm doing...without the food."

"Where's Matty and Scott?"

"They're out with Roger, Noah, Mark and Benny...some good ol' male bonding shit."

"How much lon--"

"Four and a half days and thirty-six minutes." she answers immediatley.

And I can tell I've hit something.

"Corrine says she's ready..."

"But you're not so sure?"

"I just didn't think I would get so attached so quickly."

She sits up and faces me.

There's quiet for a few moments, she inhales,

"But I quess that's just life for you, right? Having to let go when you really want to hold on? You think you've got it planned, what you're going to do, who you want to be with, everthing and every little detail; then ten years later looking back and going 'That's not the way I saw it going in my head'. Knowing somewhere it's what you want but still you're always second guessing..."

She laughed lightly, "I'm sorry, Joanne, you probably couldn't care less about my crap...is there something you need?"

"Let's go for a walk." I suggest and as she grabbed her coat, "You seemed pretty shaken yesterday, and I thought you might just want to talk."

She smiled and we made our way out of the door.

I didn't even need to prompt her she just went,

"It's just I thought for the longest time that I would finish high school, go to college, marry Micah, and then have kids and all that basic crap. I never planned on my parents dying, or Matty or Maureen and Mark. I didn't want find them, then I found out about Mark and for a moment I felt stupid for not wanting to look..."

"**But**?"

"But now they hate each other and it just doesn't seem worth it."

"Honey, Mark and Maureen...well I don't how else to describe it...they love each so much that they hate each other, and vice versa. And that love is only there because of you...the only reason they still act semi-civial, but of the bond."

She nodded, "I think I understand...it's just weird."

"_That_ is life, honey. That is life."

* * *

Author's Notes. 

Okay, sorry it took so long. This is part two of what was last chapter.  
I'll give warning though, I am still a bit "under the weather" so updates might be few and far between...thank you all for your patience.

**BwayDiva**: Thank you for the compliment. It should be explained in the next chapter...if all goes well.

**Carsonheir**: Thanks. And to answer your question...my right side went numb and weak and weird, pluse a three month headache...and yeah slowly, getting there (good) again.

**Lils**: Yeah, depends on talking I guess...did you see Sherie Renee Scott (my best friend got to see her in the tour of Aida she headed) also got nominated for a Tony also for Dirty Rotten Scoundrels ( which oddly as it is Idina Menzel was a replacement for the role of Amneris in Aida; and Sherie Renee Scott played opposite Adam Pascal who was in Rent with Idina Menzel and Taye Diggs (who was a replacement for Norbert Leo Butz in Wicked) also Norbertwas(according to the RENT book) an original replacements, specifically for Roger/Adam Pascal andin a even weirder twist Sherie Renee Scott was a replacementfor Maureen Johnson/Idina Menzel)...and now I probably sound like a lunatic...any how, going on...Glad I made your day.

**Kelby**: So what do you think? I could use some suggestions if you have any up your sleeve.

**auamarine19**: Glad you found it...hope to see a review from you again...what do you mean a little shocking?

**IluvPaulWalker6688**: Thanks...and I think I might have mentioned it an earlier AN but Noah is based off my cousin, so that I really can't take credit for, but thanks anyway

* * *

oh..as for my "hospital drugged induced" story...(I have never done this before) but I need some help with it...I think a beta is the word (and person) I'm looking for...if any one is willing it would be greatly appreciated...just let me know (via review) THANKs

* * *

_until next time this is me...signing out_


	16. So Now You Know

Chapter Fifteen: So Now You Know  
As told by **_Mark_**  
12 May (The day Matty leaves)

* * *

Cade wouldn't let anyone go with her when she handed Matty back to his mom, although we all had offered to at least twice. She just said she would be back at five and the two of them (her and Matty) got in the car with her Grandfather's driver.

So, until five, we just, for lack of a better term, killed time. Roger and I ended up taking Noah and Kenna to the park. Kenna was staying with us for a few days while Ella went to "take care of some legal business" with her ex.

By the four o'clock we had all gathered in Cade's place.

Five o'clock came and went. Same with six.

I hadn't been this worried since...well, for a while now.

"Maureen, come on." I said as I got up to head to the door.

"Why.."

"Just get your ass off the couch and come on."

She got up and I told everyone else "We're going to go she if she's took a detour."

There were nods. They understood. They all knew.

We head towards the Life Café.

"What makes you so sure she'll be there?" Maureen taunted.

"It's one of the few places she knows and Cade is not stupid enough to wander."

"Yet she does have your DNA."

I glared at her, "It takes two to tango."

Thankfully, we had arrived at the Life before Maureen could make a comeback and sure enough, Cade was sitting at a corner table. Her head was resting on crossed arms while she stared at a bottle of beer.

Maureen rushed next to her and I moved to sit across from them. Mo grabbed the beer and took a big swig, before spitting out.

"What are you doing and honey, what the hell is this crap?"

Cade shrugged, "I wanted to get drunk, so I order the most disgusting thing they had."

Probably from the looks of confusion she went on to explain.

"I really wanted to get drunk, but I knew I shouldn't. Ordering the beer fulfilled the temptation of the intention to get drunk, yet by ordering the most disgusting I insured I wouldn't get past the first sip."

Stressed, yet logical...I wasn't so sure that was the best combination.

"You really didn't want to let him go did you?" I tried.

Cade just shrugged again.

Maureen pouted and threw her arms around Cade.

"You asked me how is felt, having to giving you up, remember? Well, now, I...think you know the answer, honey."

For one of those rare moments, Maureen, and I hate to admit this, she was right.

Cade looked at me, "I mean, I'm just the aunt, right? It's got to get easier."

I reached over, "Of course."

I was lying out my ass.

* * *

Author's Notes:

So there it is.

**BwayDiva**: As always I'm glad you liked it.

**Lils**: _Ch_. _15_: Yes! Yes! You have no ideal how many happy dances I did when I finally did.  
_ Ch_.4: Honestly, I laughed when I read that, but hey if you want to you cand add what you wanted to say onto this chapter, that's assuming of course you're reviewing for this chapter.  
Norbert won! (And so did Spamalot!)

**carsonheir**: Today's a good day. (_hence the update_) and thanks on that too, Next chapter is coming soon...hopefully.

**L.M**.**Ward**: It would have been really annoying if that review had been vague. (_No, No, I'm just joking take no offense, please_) Is that Aw in a that's good way or Aw in a that's horrible...ick...way?

**starsinthesky(LJ):** Hopefully, this chapter helped clear some of that up...everyone knows about Cade. Mo is pissed at Mark for not telling her as soon as he found out, but is somewhat excited about finding Cade...another person to influence. and Mark is taking it one day at a time. Cade's confused...story of her life, but is reacting to her biological parents cautiously, but willing to find answers.

**LongLiveLarson**: _Ch.1_: Thanks...so did I...hence the reason I wrote it.  
_Ch.2_: That seems to be a popular response.  
_Ch.3:_ I know (about feeling bad for Mark) but it's just so dang easy and natural to put him that position.  
_Ch.4_: I don't mean it to be confusing, but I feel it's necessary to see one situation through multiply viewpoints hence the title. I'm assuming you've figured it out (about Cade)  
_Ch.5_: the idea for that came at midnight, so I knew it was a usable one  
_Ch.6:_ I fully agree about Roger not being open, but I also realize that in his position he would to a point and I tried to subtly show it, here I'll show you:  
"_But his question got me, how was I supposed to answer that_?": He didn't directly answer the question.  
Then he tried focusing on his brother.  
"_And I did...for the most part_"...he still wasn't completely open about his life The he goes on to say about how everyone acted, he never mentioned actively involving himself.  
But I do realize that chapter was among the weaker ones.  
Ch.15: Thank you so much...and it was always in my plan for Matty to leave...there just needed to be something relatable between Cade and Mark and Mo...make the bond stronger. However for Scott...not only is Cade attached but so am I...for right now I have plans for him...in the story...I am curious however to find out what you think about Ella?  
and I hope to hear more from you.

* * *

So more to come _**eventually

* * *

**_

**153 Days until RENT is released in theatres! And if you guys get a chance the blog is pretty ****cool. And if you haven't already checked out the trailer...you must...it's really really ****awesome.

* * *

**

_until next time, this is me...signing out_


	17. I Remeber When

Chapter Sixteen:I Remember When...  
**_As told by Mark_**  
20 June

* * *

There will always be days, moments you don't forget.

The day I met Roger, our parents worked together and his mother gave me 5 bucks to "keep an eye on the twins" while she went out with the other two, it was theonly time I've ever got paid to hang out with him...he won it back later thatday in a bet...

The day I had..well, the day Cade happened.

The moment...okay, well, the moments.. I realized Maureen was cheating on me.

Just basic stuff nobody would forget...

And some more stuff "normal" people would forget, because all those rolls of film won't let me forget.

On most days I can push those thoughts to the side, but ever since I met Ella there is one moment I can't push away...

Roger had gone to get some cherries and caramel, the craving at the time for the five month pregnant Mimi while Collins had went to the Life to get some dinner...making a quick stop at a certain rewired ATM.

* * *

_(June three years previous; Mimi is 5 months pregnant with Noah)  
_

"Mimi, what are you doing?" I bring the camera to my eye after making sure it's rolling.

"Making sure I can still touch my toes." she replies sarcastically, "I can't...I'm trying to...reach."

She's leaning to pick up a spoon that's on the floor. She sighs and drops on the couch, "I'm so damn fat...Mark get the fucking camera out of my face."

I turn it off, "It's just for posterity...the kid."

"Well, just try that when you get your own posterity."

I chuckled, I had and Maureen had given me a huge bruise on my shoulder for a week to show for it, but of course I don't tell Mimi that instead,

"Mimi, to do that I would have to have a wife...or girlfriend."

I sit next to her. And we just kind of sit there waiting forRoger and Collinsto get back.

"Mark?"

"Uh-huh?"

"Have you ever loved someone?"

"I thought I loved Mo." I offered.

"Marky, you're not a very good liar."

I laughed, "I didn't know I was lying."

"Oh! That's so sweet..._and pathetic_." She squeals.

"You even lied to yourself." She explains.

I try to protest, until I realize she's right.

"Anyone else?" she prompts.

"Then no, Mimi, I've never loved anyone like Roger loves you."

She smiles.

"Can you get my spoon?"

I chuckle and oblige her, leaving my camera to the side. I pick up the spoon (one of the plastic ones we've collected from the Life) and take it into the kitchen to wash it off.  
When I come back Mimi has turned the camera on me,

"Zoom in on Mark...who is desperately looking for someone to love."

_She's mocking me._

"You'll find her,...or him," She smiles slyly at me, "Hey, maybe that's where you're going wrong...you're looking for the wrong parts."

"I don't think that's it."

"Well, either way, they'll take you by surprise...they'll probably be looking for you...and you'll know."

"Meems, I never you to be a hopeless romantic."

She brings the camera lens sothat they'reparallel to my pants.

"Zoom on Mark," She starts again, "Whose deepest wish is to get someone in his pants..."

I try to dive to retrieve the camera.

"Hey, how are going to explain to your best friend that you were attacking his pregnant girlfriend."

"I'm not attacking you, I'm getting back my camera...which said best friends girlfried stole."

"_Roger doesn't know that_."

"You wouldn't do that."

"Watch me."

* * *

I walk down the street once agian going over what Mimi had said that day. 

I stop in front of the place I had stopped in front of for the last five days.

Maybe five months is too soon.

But I can't stop thinking that Ella is what Meems was talking about.

Well, if she says no, I could always pawn it off.

Here goes nothing, I inhale and finally open the door.

The elderly man behind the glass counter smiles, "I was wondering if you were ever going to come in...I think what your looking for is over here."

He leads me to the other side of the room.

Exactly what I'm looking for.

* * *

Author's Notes: 

This was going to be a poor-Benny chapter, but Mark got the me-first-syndrome. So here it is.

Hope you all like it. I've been dying to write a non-poor-Mark, well there's a little in there but oh, well...  
I'm rambling

**BwayDiva**: Thanks...I hope anticipation didn't get to you to much...Thanks.

**Lils**: Yeah, I mentioned in the AN for Ch. 14 (#15: the Life she wanted) but I added that shortly after I posted...yeah, _"Norbert was(according to the RENT book) an original replacements, specifically for Roger/Adam Pascal andin a even weirder twist Sherie Renee Scott was a replacementfor Maureen Johnson/Idina Menzel)..).which oddly as it is Idina Menzel was a replacement for the role of Amneris in Aida; and Sherie Renee Scott played opposite Adam Pascal who was in Rent with Idina Menzel and Taye Diggs (who was a replacement for Norbert Leo Butz in Wicked".._.minorly obbessed with Broadway and did one of those Six Degrees of Seperation things for the RENT cast when I got bored...hope you like this chapter.

**carsonheir**: yep, comes out 11-11, which would be somewhat interesting if one was to catch an eleven o'clock showing...the official website is ok? but if you can check out the blog...there's a link on the official site...and the trailer was officialy released "7 June."

* * *

And to everyone else is even reading it...whether you like it or not...I'm happy you found it and grateful that of all the fics you could read who choose to spend your time reading mine. 

I really appreciate it (whether you've reviewed or not)

Hope you all have a good day.

and happy reading

* * *

_until next time, this is me...signing out_. 


	18. Don't Let the Right Moment Slip Away

Chapter 17: Don't Let The Right Moment Slip Away  
as told by Mark  
26 June (Ella's Birthday)

* * *

I take the a deep breath and try to keep my nerves down to a minimum. Which is a nearly impossible task for me. This is a once in a life time moment for me to do anything this risky.  
Sure, moving to the loft was risky, filming is risky, but at least they had plan B's that I could handle. 

If she says no, I'll...well, I don't know what I'll do.

I take yet another deep breath and remind myself that so far today has gone okay, which means the next hour will go perfect.

Focus on something else. _This morning_.

This morning Ella had to work and I picked Kenna up to go to another preview day at the private school she'll be going to in the fall. Supposedly it so the kids feel comfortable starting school, but what they're really doing is sucking up to parents to fork out extra cash. Ella could care less, her dad is the one who's paying.

I spent two hours with thirty, five year olds, their snotty parents, and two fifty year old batty women, one of whom I wouldn't be surprised if she slip a little something into her morning coffe.

I had brought my camera along and one of the teachers came up to me.

"Usually most parents wait 'til the first day of school to film."

I shrug, "I'm a filmmaker."

She just eyes me before turning her attention to Kenna who was drawing a picture with some crayons with all the other kids.

"What is your picture about?" She asks, a little overly sweet.

Kenna smiles and before we knew it replied, "This is my mommy and Mark," she pointed to two scribbles in one corner, "They're happy because today is my mommy's birthday. And that's me."

Kenna points to a scribble in the opposite Ella and mine's scribbles.

"Are you happy today is your mommy's birthday?"

Unfortunately, she kind of walk right into this one, as Kenna shook her head,

"No, because I have to spend the night with Cade, while Mommy and Mark get to play in my mommy's room all night long."

I don't know if I could tell who's face was redder, mine or the teacher.  
A dad sitting a couple sitting a few seats away must have heard as he was trying to hold back any tempting laughter.

Needless to say, I don't think that is the teahcer Kenna will be getting.

It was a little funny...

**"Mark!"**

I'm brought out of my recollection by Cade who, along with everyone else had helped me plan this for the last six days.

"Mark, she's coming, see."

I could see Ella had just turned the corner.

I turned to Kenna, "You remember what you're supposed to do right?"

She smiled and nodded and Cade and I headed to our spots.

I could see Ella approach the park bench, "Kenna, where's Mark? I thought I told you not to run away from us."

Kenna giggles and run towards me, then past me. I step out.

Ella sighs, "There you are, Kenna just ran off, again."

I know, but I play stupid.

"I just saw her with Cade."

"Cade? Roger said you were watching her."

I shrug and shake my head.

She kinks her head and looks at me questioningly.

"What?" I ask.

"You're right. There they are. Maybe we should go..."

"They'll be fine." I reassure her. "They're probably going to go get ice cream and head back to the loft."

"You're probably right."

"You hungry?" I ask.

She nods.

We head to a small nice restaurant, the whole way there I can see Cade and Kenna staying just out of sight. Cade holds up the camera and gives me the thumbs up.

When we reach the restaurant, the waiter, who is on the plan, places Kenna and Cade out of sight of where Ella sits.

"Mark, this is a little expensive."

"It's your birthay." I explain.

"That's sweet, Mark, but maybe we should just grab a hamburger."

"Ella, I've been planning this, don't worry, we're fine...order what ever you want...just not the seventy dollar steak dinner, please."

She laughs and nods, "You've been _planning_ this? I didn't know I was that special."

The waiter comes and take our order, and when he's gone we just sit there. Focus, Mark, focus.

"Um, Ella...honestly...um,...your birthday is only one of the reasons...I've planned this."

I'm beginning to shake and sweat a little.

She cocks her head and smiles again, God, I love when she does that. Out of the corner of my eye I see Cade with the camera to her eye.

I take a deep breath, here it goes, "I know there's supossed to be some sort of speech, I'm supossed to make right now, and I know some people think five months is a little rushed..."

I get up and make the cliche move to my knee in front of her and the whole restaurant seems to have their eyes on us, "But, I know something else,"

"You do?"

"I know I love you and I love Kenna. I know that I want to spend forever with you. But there is something I don't know...Will you marry..me?"

"Oh, Mark." She lets out, I can see a tear in her eye.

_Oh, God, is that good or bad?_

She nods, "I know my answer is yes." She whispers.

She leans in and kisses me and I'm vaguely aware of the applause or the fits of giggles coming from a certain booth.

As we sit back down, I can see Cade giving me the thumbs up before leading Kenna out of the restaurant.

The rest of dinner is a blur. I don't remeber what I ate or anything besides the fact she said yes.

After dinner, "So, um, how bout we go to your place, tonight?"

"What about Kenna?"

"She's spending the night with Cade."

"_Uh-huh_. You don't want to tell everyone?"

"If I didn't know better I would think you were avoiding..."

"No, don't think that for a minute, I'm just excited. Don't you think we should tell everyone?"

"I'm sure, if I don't show up til tomorrow, they'll figure it out. I told you... I had this planned."

* * *

Author's Notes: 

So, hehe. That was somewhat cheesy, wasn't it? But Let's face it Mark is a little cheesy and that's why we love him. Oh, Gosh! Seventy-six reviews, I'm in a euphoric state, and I'm sure it shows.  
Ok, people, I don't know how many of you check out the blog and as I mentioned you should, but The Rent cast is supposed to be featured in Entertainment Weekly the 24 Jun.-1 Jul. edition and there is a awesome pictue on the blog of the whole cast in this 2 level apartment thingy...Collins is hard to see in the corner but he's there and I found very interesting that Roger is wear a blood-red shirt in the "bathroom", but all is good. THe picture is freaking amazing check it out.

Oh, and next chapter back by popular demand...well, not really demand, any how they're back! _Guess who?--or what?_

Oh, and before some one points out that is seems weird that Kenna is going to a 2nd during summer preview at the private school...I do know what I'm talking about. I went to a private school for 6 years and they used make the older kids help out...those 5 random days in the summer were actually fun...only days with no uniform.

**BwayDiva**: Hope this is another AW worthy moment. ANd I guess this chapter answers the question.

**Sam**: He found his someone

**ShatteredTruth**: Glad you were able to come back to this and hope you like the rest...

**carsonheir**: were you able to see the trailer? ...I'd say things worked out...yep, another good day.

Okay, well, next chapter is half way done but it might not come up until between Weds. and Sunday. we'll see.

_

* * *

until next time, this is me...signing out._


	19. Machine Interlude B

Chapter 18: Machine Interlud e B  
as told by the various answering machines that connect our favorite Bohemians to each other and the "Outside World"

* * *

"Speak." 

**Beep**

"Mark, Mark, Are you there? Honey, where are you? Just wanted you to know that we are having your father's birthday dinner on the August second. He really wants you to come, Honey, please. Your father and I are both getting on in years and we would enjoy it if you could come. Mark? Call us? Love you."

* * *

"You have reached the residence of Gregory Kirson. It is asked that you leave your name and number and state the subject of your bussiness. Mr.Kirson will get back to you as soon as possible." 

**Beep**.

"Hey, Daddy, it's Ella. Um...there's something I need to tell you, um...I really want to see you face to face, but I'm so excited..."

"Ella? Are you calling your dad?"

"Yes, Mark."

"Well?"

"He's not there."

"Oh."

"Did you tell him about..."

"Oh, right, Daddy...I saw Nathan last month and he signed the papers you sent down. I gave them to the lawyer...so it's set. Call me when you can, I love you, Dad."

"Nice talking to your answering machine, Mr. Kirson."

"_Mark_..."

* * *

"Mo and Jo's. Name and Number Please." 

**Beep**.

"Maureen? This is Uncle Aaron, remember me? Kyle and I were talking about you; he told me about... I'd thought I check in with you...I had to track you down a bit...Look, kid, I know I wasn't there when you were younger like I should have been...but, um, I just wanted to talk...Number is still the same as it's always been."

* * *

"Josiah and Arlene Cohen. Please Leave your name and number." 

**Beep**

"Mom? Dad? Hey, it's Mark. About Dad's birthday, we need to talk. There's a couple...a few...people I really want you to meet...you really need to meet. I wondering if you would mind if they came to the dinner too. It'll be me and three. Is that okay? I love you guys."

* * *

"Speak." 

**Beep**.

"Mark? It's Cindy. Mom called us over yesterday just to listen to your message. It's good to know you're still alive. I told Mom I'd call you for her. She said it's fine. You could probably bring fifty people and get away with it, she's so excited. Just Mark, please, actually show up. Oh, Lizzy's coming too, once she heard your message, she decided to she wasn't too busy, after all. All three of us. It's going to be fun. I've got to go pick Bryant up from detention. I'll see you next week."

* * *

"Speak." 

**Beep**

"_Benny_? _Benny_? Are you there? I really want to talk to you. I'll...I'll just call back later."

* * *

Author's Notes: 

Finally chapter 18! This is now the longest story I've written! Yeah

BwayDiva: Thanks so much. Glad you appriciated the humor of the kindergarten scene.

Sam: Thanks.

carsonheir: I hope what I told you helped. Tears? Thanks.

L.M.Ward: the pompoms made my day. glad you liked it. Thanks for the review.

To No Absolutes: Thanks And hope this was good.

Oh, and to Lils: I don't know if you're reading anymore, but just thought you might want to know someone has actually read your whole profile page.

oh, and to anyone who cares #1 movie quote: "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."--(Rhett Butler/ Clark Gable/ Gone With Wind)--according to AFI

until next time, this is me...signing out.


	20. The Place I Once Lived

Chapter 19: The Place I Once Lived  
_**As told by Mark**_  
2 August

* * *

I could see the sun beginning to show in the sky. Ella had wanted to spend the whole day getting to know my family; she really wanted to make a good impression. So, I had made Cade, Kenna, and Ella get in the car at the ghastly time of 5:30 A.M.. I knew it didn't take too long to get there but I wanted to take my time, one, to prepare, two, it's been a while since I've driven anywhere. Besides, if we did arrive early and something went wrong we could leave at noon with it still being constituted as the "whole day". 

All three of them had groaned at leaving so early, but they we're asleep before we had even pulled away from the loft in Roger's car. It had surprised me that Cade had been the one to protest the most. She said it would be imposing, she even tried to equivilate her going to my parents to the atom bomb droppingon Hiroshima. However, she went along with it after Maureen had slipped her fifty bucks and promised to take her shopping tomorrow with the twins if she just let me have my way, _but I wasn't supposed to know about that_. I had overheard her confiding in Ella last night.

Well, I've been attempting to figure out how to introduce them. Roger had been trying to mumble tips from his own exprierence earlier this year as we made our way out that morning, but was interupted by Benny who's been agitated all this week.

"_Mhmm_..." I looked into the rear view mirror to see Cade making an attempt to stretch as she woke up.

"You're up." I said.

"Not intentionally." She says. "So, what's this place like?"

"Semi-typical surburbian last time I was there."

"What made you run?"

Run? Good question...but before I had a chance to answer Ella began to stir in the passenger seat.

"Any good dreams?" I asked.

"...I dreamed I ate a ten pound marshmellow and when I woke up the pillow was gone."

"I love that quote. My grandfather likes to read his quotes. Tommy Cooper, right?"

"Who is he?" I attempted to ask.

Ella shrugged, "I just like the quote."

Before long I had turned the car down a familiar street and soon into the familiar driveway.  
The women in front began to go bezerk, nearly squaking at the man sitting next to her in front of the house.

"Jo, they're here, _they're_ _here_."

"Arlene, I can see that. I'm not blind yet for heavens sake."

"They're here."

_Any last words, Cohen?_

My own thoughts once again mocking me...

Here goes...I open the door...

"Mark! You're here!"

"I'm sure he knows that." I could hear my dad calling.

"Good Morning, Mom. Morning, Dad."

"Son, who'd you drag with you?"

"Mom, Dad, this is my girlfriend Ella and th..."

My mom pulled Ella close to her, "You're not Maureen! _Thank God_!"

"Arlene! Mo likes girls now."

"I know, I know, but Marky's always been desperately stupid about Maureen."

"_Thanks_, Mom."

"Oh, Mark, you're here."

My father mumbled, "We've already covered that. While my wife is busy out here laying her eggs, why don't the rest of come inside."

Ella quickly made her way in followed by Cade, neither who seemed to remember Kenna was still sleeping in the car. I made my way back to the car, gently unbuckled her the best I could without awaking her and carried her towards the front door where my parents were still waiting. My mom looked at the five year old questioningly, but before she could speak my father gently guided her in the door. I could hear him mumble,

"Not now! I want them to stay a while."

He turned to me, "Go lay her down in your old room."

When I had finished that task I came back downstairs to find the four of them sitting awkwardly in the living room. However, I all honesty this is so much better than I had saw it going in my head.

"Why don't I go start breakfast?"

"I'll help you Mrs. Cohen." Ella offered and I held back a teasing laugh as the two went to the kitchen.

"So..um?" My father began, but it wasn't me he was talking to.

"Oh, sorry, Dad this is Cade...she's a friend of mine."

He looked at me, "_Friend my ass_."

He turned to look at her. "Cade, huh? Well, it's a right side better than Isobella. Thank god, you look like a Cohen. It's good to see you found him. Oh, don't look so shocked, son, I used to always listen in to your phone conversations, it's the only way I knew what was really goin' on. You were always a shitty liar...you got _that_ from your mother."

"He still can't lie." Cade chimed in.

I left the two of them of them to critisize my short fallings...or as my father used to say, "what I got from my mohter" traits...instead going outside to get our stuff, which I knew was similar to a death sentence, but it gave me something to do. WHen I got back inside I could see Kenna standing at the top of the stairs, I grabbed her bag and went upstairs..

"Welcome to today, princess, let's get you out of those pajamas."

She nodded and we walked back to my old room,

"Where are we?"

"Well, this is where I used to live, before I moved to the loft. And this is where I used to sleep.

"What's that?" She asked pointing to strategically hidden object as I handed her one of the sun dresses she insisted on bringing.

"That is a troll and it's our little secret, okay? Now, hurry up, breakfast is almost ready.

...The morning went by well, My father and Cade were able to hit off real well, my father even allowed her to talk about politics. He says she knows what she's talking about.

Ella was making her wish come true, my mother had already offered three "secret recipes" though I knew I would probably never actually see any result of those.

My Dad and I took Cade and Kenna to were I used to roam...although we avoided the middle school. Apparently, my nephew, Bryant, grafitied the back of the building on the last day of school and had to serve detention two days a week and Saturdays during the summer.

By the time three o'clock came around I was actually feeling good about this...maybe too good..

As if on some sort of cue the door opened, and I could hear my sister Lizzy,

"_**Oh, Marky. I'm here**_."

* * *

Author's Notes:  
I made an executive decision and divided Mark's visit in to two parts,...this was just getting too long...By next Tuesday the 2nd part will be up...unless my computer crashes... 

**carsonheir**: Thanks of course...and I think everybody is a closeted something or another

**BwayDiva**: You'll see soon...not the next chapter but the one after that...I think, but patience you will know but I bet you can guess...

**ShatteredTruth**: Hence the reason I used it...Not too many characters I hope. When re-reading things one can find clues and forseshadowing...maybe...

**Bits1212**: Oh trusts me, I have...Thanks for the review...

**Lils**: _Ch. 17_: I guess that review will go into the file marked "mysteries never to be solved"...I did hope you were still reading...hope it hadn't gotten boring  
_Ch. 18_: Thanks...I think.  
_Ch. 19_: of course, and yes you mentioned...and yes I read as many of my reviewers' profile pages as I can...I can't decide if it's because I have no life or because I'm genuinely interested...I'll claim the latter

* * *

Until next time, this is me...signing out 


	21. I Can ExplainWell, I Can Try

Chapter 20: I Can Explain...Well, I Can Try  
a.k.a. Part 2 to Mark's visit to his family  
as told by Mark  
still 2 August

* * *

The Exorcist theme sound once again plays in my head as Lizzy entered the room.

I could see Ella tense up a bit as Lizzy embraced her as introduced the two to each other,

"Glad to see you're not Maureen."

"That seems to be consensus." Cade scoffed from her position next to my father.

"Oh! Hello, you must be a friend of Mark's."

"Must I?" Cade replied nonchalantly.

Lizzy laughed, "You look familiar, have we met before?"

"_I sure hope not_." I could hear her mumbled.

"What was that?" Lizzie asked, she didn't hear.

"Oh, I just said I doubted it...I'm sure I would have remembered meeting you before."

"That's sweet."

Lizzy bounded off to find our mother. Cade leaned over to my father,

"Let me guess she's sixteen and holding?"

They shared a laugh as an eight year old wandered in the living room.

"Tate? You've really grown. Your mom went to the kitchen. Where's your Dad?"

The girl eyed me oddly, "Who are you…Daddy is in the kitchen, he's avoiding Grandpa."

"I'm your Uncle Mark."

"Oh." She walked to where Kenna was sitting and poked her.

"You wanna go swing?"

The two girls ran off.

"I forgot she wouldn't know me..."

"Now whose fault is that?" My father eyed me.

I rolled my eyes and went outside to greet Cindy who had just pulled in her husband, Eli, and her two, Bryant (_the delinquent_) and Abby, following.

"Mark. You came."

Cindy was five years older than me, but her hair was already showing gray.

"Ah, sis, don't sound so surprised."

"It's just...good to see you."

I could tell she was quietly criticizing me inside her head, while still being grateful that she was excused from hugging me due to the two casserole dishes she was carrying.

"Hey, kids."

From they're faces I could tell they had been warned about me.  
That's Cindy for you.

Another hour went by before we were allowed to sit at the table for dinner.

Thank God! I thought it would never come. An hour of Eli bragging about how well bussiness was and of Cindy bragging about how great Bryant and Abby were. She claimed Bryant had simply been at the wrong place at the wrong time.

My father saddled Cade and I to sitting on either side of his place at the head of the table, Ella was wedged between me and Cindy, with Eli crammed on the edge. Much to Cade's dismay Lizzy sat next to her.

The four kids ate in the living room so the adults could talk.

"So, Mark, how long have you and Ella been together?" Lizzy's husband, Kyle, asked before my father had a chance to start on him.

"A bit. Actually, I was waiting for everyone to get here so I could tell you guys."

I could feel Ella's hand shakily slip into my hand trying her best to seem supporting.

"Ella and I are getting married...hopefully by January."

"Actually we were...um...thinking either late October/ early November or just waiting 'til April."

That took me by surprise that I didn't really notice my mother or Cindy gaping or Lizzy squealing like she was still in high school. October? Ella never rushed too fast.

"Welcome to the family. Do you two plan on carrying on the Cohen name?" My father asked.

I could see that Ella had gone pale; she must still be reeling from my mother's and sisters reactions. But, I knew what he wanted, both him and Cade eyeing me like a devil and an angel on my shoulder.

_**Dad**: You started the announcements, go on.  
**Cade**: You tell them and I'll lock you in a room with Maureen._

Cindy's voice interuppted the debate, "It is Mark's turn, Bryant was born within a year of Eli and mine's wedding...we wanted to make sure Mom and Dad..."

Lizzy rolled her eyes, "Cindy never gets bored of reminding us how she was the first to give Mom and Dad a grandchild. You tell us every time, when Kyle's parents came you went into a twenty minute spiel about it."

"I didn't"

I cleared my throat, "No, you didn't."

Lizzy stared at me, "How would you know, Mark? You weren't here."

"I meant she wasn't the first one to give Mom and Dad a grandchild."

I feel everyone's eyes on me, including Cade's death glares. I went on,

"Bryant's only twelve. Cade's nineteen, twenty in November. Maureen and I gave her up for adoption, but we kind of...found her."

"Cade as in her?" Lizzy asked.

I nodded.

Silence.

Even more Silence.

"What the fuck is this shit you're trying to pull?"

It was Cindy...wait, _Cindy_?

Cindy never cussed.

"Cindy, can it. It's in the past, there's nothing we can do. At least we know now."

Cindy was fuming, "No, Dad. Mark waltzes in here after a decade of disappearing, on the day that is supposed to be about Dad, and tells us one, he's marrying a woman who has a five year old to prove she isn't exactly white-dress material, but that's okay because precious little Mark is in the same boat with a twenty year old daughter whose done who-knows-what with who-knows-who with God-only-know intentions."

Lizzy glared at her, "And you releasing your inner bitch just really tops the evening off."

Cade glares at me from across the table, I can see hear holding back tears, "I told you...I _told_ you...I'm gonna go check on Kenna."

After she had left the room my father quietly laid one into Cindy finally ending with, "Right now it would be best if you left. Your husband and kids can stay but you should go. It's one thing to insult your brother...I've accepted that you feel you have to compete, but it's quite another to insult your niece and Ella, both of whom were already shaken as it was. You are forty-one years old. Act like it, Damnit."

It wasn't too long after Cindy and her family left that my little group left. The only one talking on the way home was Kenna going on about how Tate had showed her how to do tricks on the swing.  
When we got to the loft I followed Cade up the stairs,

"Cade!"

But I was only met with a door slammed in my face.

"Mark," I could feel Ella's hand on my shoulder, "That wasn't what anybody was expecting, just give her a few moments to fume."

"Are you okay? Cindy can be..."

"I'm not marrying Cindy, I chose to marry you. As much as I want to impress your family, it's your opinion I'll pay attention to. Cade's been through a lot but she's tough...emotionally she just a little beat, just give her time...and if that doesn't work, try a bribing her..."

I chuckle a bit as Kenna got bored and ran into the loft to a waiting Roger, Noah and Benny.

"Didn't go so great, did it?" Benny asked cautiously.

"How'd you guess?" I asked worn out.

"Well, the door slam, not to mention the countless apologies left on our answering machine in the span of twenty minutes. Your Mom wants Ella to call when she can and your dad left Cade a message as well. And Lizzy sent her regards, too, which included some choice names in Cindy's direction." Roger summed up.

Noah who had quietly been sitting on Roger's lap decided his father hadn't been specific enough, "Da lady in da box said bitch."

I was too exhausted to really do anything about that at the moment, I vaguely heard Roger telling me he'd take the couch again so that Kenna could have a bed and Ella and I could...talk.

After Kenna had been taken care of Ella and I made our way to bed. But there was something that I had been meaning to ask,

"Hey, Ella?"

"Hmmm...?"

"Why October/ November or waiting 'til April?"

"We'll talk about it later...tomorrow."

* * *

Author's Notes:

So, there it is...and now we can move on to bigger and better problems...like Ella...I attempted to subtly give a warning hint: those who can count to eight or nine will go far and there is another hint in the chapter "Don't let the right moment slip away"...the kindergarten scene...

This chapter was written with help from my little cousin, Tate (yes, she insisted I write her in, but we're like sisters so who was I to refuse?), who spent the 4th with me. So if it's really bad blame her...just kidding...maybe.

**carsonheir**: interesting quote...Thanks as always.

**BwayDiva**: Thank you. Mark has his moments...spoke a little too soon, eh? Lizzy belongs in creepy movies everywhere...

**Lils**: Well, what can I say to that? Having a reader like what they're reading is always a plus...

**L.M. Ward**: Does this chapter get pompoms?

**Harper's Pixie**: Glad you found this; however, I am curious to know how far past ch. 1 you got? Are you still hooked?

I realize this is a day late but better said than unsaid.  
if one you're American: Happy 4th of July; in a happy Independence day kind of way  
if you're not (just in case): Happy 4th of July; in a happy Monday kind of way (although I realize that most of the time Happy Monday is a sort of oxymoron)

* * *

_**until next time, this is me...signing out**_


	22. Third Times A Charm

Chapter 21: Third Times A Charm  
**as told by Roger**  
_a.k.a. Roger wants to put in his two cents while Mark goes off to sort his thoughts_  
3 August

* * *

"Shit, Ow."

I had just discovered that we actually had a working toaster, so I had decided to make toast. Altough when you think about it, dry bread is just cereal without the milk. Unfourtunately I underestimated the actual working condition of the toaster, the bread didn't pop up high enough and stupidly I stuck my finger in to retrieve it...and burnt myself.

...With Noah and Benny for a audience.

"Shit!"

"Noah. Don't say that."

"You did."

He smiles back at me, like he is the most innocent snot in the world. Benny is trying to hide his amusement behind the newspaper.

"Don't worry, Roger, it's just a phase. Kenna did it, too." Ella informs me as she comes out of the bedroom and makes a beeline for the bathroom.

Noah looks at the bathroom door, "_Eww_."

I hear it, too.

"Are you okay?" Benny asks as Ella reappears grabbing one of the many mismatched chairs that occupy the kitchen area.

"Yeah. Fine."

"Is Mark up yet?" Benny agian.

She nods, "He's dwelling on last night again."

"Toast?" I offer.

She shakes her head, like I just offered her a rotten apple.

My watch goes off, and I'm met with three variations of "Roger, take your pills." and one "Daddy, 'ake pill."

"This is why they need to have silent alarms." I grumble. Every day they remind me like I don't know myself.

"Don't you think that might defeat the purpose?" Mark as emerging from the hall.

I glare from where I stand opening the bottle, "Shut up, smart..."

"**_Roger_."** Benny nods in Noah's direction.

"Noah...go get dressed."

He smiles like I just gave him keys to a car and runs off.

Mark takes the chair Noah was sitting in next to Ella, "Can we talk, now?"

She nods.

A few moments go by before he looks at Benny and I, "_In private_?"

"You have a room." I point out as Benny gets up and leaves the loft saying he has something he needs to do.

"Roger, you sent your two year old to get dressed by himself." Mark tries.

"So?"

"He's two, your thirty and still need help. Maybe the two of you can learn together." Ella spits out frustrated.

"Alright smart asses, when you guys end up telling me, I'll just act surprised 'cos it's not like I can't hear it through the walls."

I get to what now seems to be Noah and Kenna's room. Kenna is still out, but sure enough Noah has gotten a little...er, carried away with getting dressed. He's managed to put his pants on backwards and is trying to shove his head through the sleeve of the shirt.

"Hey, little man...let's get this fixed."

I finally get his head unstuck, when we can hear a crash coming from the kitchen signaling the number of coffee cups in the loft is down to five.

"Shit." Noah whispers and gives me a cocky grin when I glare at him.

"You're what?" We can hear Mark.

_Damnit, they're whispering again_.

_Oh God, I sound like Maureen._  
After another fifteen minutes I hear Ella come to the door, "Roger, you can come out now. Kenna, I've got to go to work, behave for Mark okay? I love you."

"Love you too." The now awake five year old chirps.

I wait until I hear the front door shut, before coming out to find a semi-dazed looking Mark, which really isn't anything new. I sit down across from him.

He mumbles something.

"Mark. English. Speak."

"She's pregnant."

"Oh." I didn't hear that part.

"She wants to get married before the baby is born. Like by October."

"Getting cold feet?"

"No, No, it's not that it's just...I don't know...I mean...the baby...what if I screw it up?"

"How could you screw it up, Mark?"

"Come on, I mean...Cade..."

"You were fifteen, you did the best you could. Look, now you're older, you found Cade..."

"Who hates me now."

"Minor detail, Cohen, she'll get over it. And there's Kenna who thinks you're actually cool. Plus, now you have Ella, who is really gonna marrying you. You've got nothing to worry about."

"It's my job to worry." He whispers.

"Yeah, well, don't."

He nods and we ge into a few moments of silence. We can hear Noah and Kenna in the room "Where are we going to put everyone?"

"Here? You aren't going to move into Ella's apartment?"

"Nah, we want to stay here."

I look away, I know why. It's my fualt, damnit Cohen, always thinking he has to take care of me.

"Um...maybe we can finally clear the back room out?" He tries cautiously.

"You don't need my permisson."

"It's just that it has alot of...stuff in it."

_Stuff_...that what the back room holds. April's stuff. Mimi's stuff. Angel's stuff. Collin's stuff. Along with numerous broken pieces of junk. Stuff our parents have sent that we have no use for. Stuff Joanne wouldn't let Maureen bring with her, which was a lot of junk. Stuff Benny left when he first moved out. **Stuff**.

"Yeah, it's about time we clean that out. Better now than never. How about we do that this Saturday?"

Mark nods. "So, you want to drag those two out, yet?"

"Nah."

He laughs, "Good."

Beeny comes back in, "What'd I miss?"

"Looks like Mark gave Ella a little more than just an engagement ring."

* * *

Author's Notes:

Okay here we go:

1) the plan for the next two chapters is this:

A) Mark and Cade...er, talk  
B) We finally find out who called Benny

2) I'd like to take this moment to remind everyone to where sunscreen and if you don't want to invest in that, please invest in Aloe Vera and moisterizer.

3) I'm planning on winding this story down a bit. Keyword: planning, but then again this story was never really suppossed to go more than 10 chapters in the first place.

**Lils**: More Drama to come, as always...and Now you know! Thanks as always.

**carsonheir**: I wish I would have thought about that, but be warned you gave me an idea...thanks.

**rentjunkie6688**: Thank you so much.

**L.M.Ward**: Thank you. Glad you're enjoying it. Oh...can I ask? Do I get to start a collection of pom poms?

**BwayDiva**: I tried to write Cindy in a better light...it just wasn't working. Soon. Fun? You have a semi-warped sense of fun, but I think I might actually agree...ih.

4) If this chapter really stinks...I have about ten alternates...that's why it took so long, but I'm roughly satisfied with this chapter.

well, ugh...

only roughly 121 days left, give or take a few. until the RENT movie. Yeah!

* * *

**_until next time, this is me...signing out_.**


	23. More Than Said

Chapter 22: More Than Said  
_as told by **Mark**  
_4 Aug.

* * *

I hoped a day had been enough time to wait before talking to Cade about what had happened. I try the handle. 

Damn it they locked the door.  
A locked door means she may or may not answer it. It means that I have a chance to run, and that would only make matters worse.

I knock.  
Scott answers.

"Oh...uh...hi, Mark. I guess this is my cue to leave, good luck."

He quickly exits as I enter. She's no where to be seen, but I feel like I'm about to suffocate on the smell of cleaning supplies.

"Cade?"

No answer.

I find her in her room, sitting on the bed staring at her guitar. I tap on the door, but she doesn't flinch.

"How was shopping yesterday?" I tried and rather than asking how I knew, she looks at me,

"Oh, It was just great. Just what I needed after being placed merclessly in front of a verbal firing squad."

She says every word with the bitter sarcasm that I would normally hear from Roger.

"Cade..."

"What the hell do you want me to say, _Mark_? That it's alright? That I'm fine...it didn't mean anything...didn't bother me? Do you want me to break down in a retelling on how screwed up all this shit and stress is making me? Or how about...I don't know...what do you want me to say? What do you want to _hear_, Mark?"

She had gotten up and walked over the whole time she was screaming until she was so close to my face that if it had been anyother time, place, or situation I probably would have offered her a breath mint. The last time I had felt this intimidated I had been shoved against the wall by a wasted and high Roger screaming at me for hiding his needles. I couldn't look at her and I began to focus on the door frame.

"I'm...sorry...Cindy can be a bitch, I didn't know she would do any of that...what would you have wanted me to have done?"

"Something! Anything..._thrown_ something, there was plenty of sharp and possibly mutilating ammunition on the table. Or, maybe saying something might have been a concept."

She shakes her head and backs down, her anger looking as if it were dissipating. She gently pushes her way around me, making her way towards the kitchen, and I cautiously follow. She leads us to the kitchen.

"Nothing we can do now, though." She starts tensely as she pulls out two bowls, placing them on the table.

"I could call and rip Cindy's head off. Better late than never, right?"

This earns a small smile and a shrug from Cade,

"What'll it achieve now? Nah...although the offer means a lot." She pulled out cereal.

"Cheerios? I'll take it Scott was in charge of the groceries?"

She nodds, pulls out the milk and two spoons before sitting down across from me.

A few moments go by as we begin to eat.

"Your parents are nice. You're dad reminds me of my..."

She looks at me cautiously.

"Of your dad." I finish for her.

"Is it odd for you to hear me call him that?"

I shrugged, I've never really thought about it before and I tell her so.

"Has Ella talked to about...when she wants the wedding?"

I looked at her, "Yeah, she wants to have it October, because..."

Cade's focusing on her cereal intensely and it clicks in my head.

"You knew? You know!"

"How're you taking it?"

It seems weird to be talking to Cade about this. "I really don't know, lots of worries, concerns."

"Well, you doing good when comes to helping with Kenna. I bet you'll be a great dad, but I really wouldn't know about any of that."

She states it matter of factly, not accussingly, not evily...just says it. I nod, understanding what she means and what she doesn't say.

"About the whole nearly biting your head off..."

"I deserved it."

"No, well, yes, you deserved what I said, just not how I said it."

I nodded and we went through a second round of cereal before Scott's head came around the corner.

"Is it safe now?"

* * *

Author's Notes: 

You guys will not believe this, I was reading this (my) story on Friday, and when I got to the end...I was peed off it wasn't updated...'cos I wanted to know what happens. So yester day my brother calls, "Hey, when's 'Maybe We'll All See' gonna get updated?"  
to which I reply "How would I know? I hope soon, I want to know what happens"  
"(**choice name**)..._You don't know what's gonna happen? you're the_ (**choice** **word**) _author_"  
To which I hang my head in shame and reply, "Oh...right! I am aren't I?"

I swear I didn't suffer any form of head injury. So, forgive me my stupidity...and I hope that this chapter helps.  
And I introduce my grandmother to RENT and the verdict stands that she likes it, (mind you she thinks Angel is a girl and that 'Take Me or Leave Me' is "a very strange song for sisters to sing about each other" but oh well, I tried)

I've began working on two more RENT fics...and those will be posted the same day I post the final chapter of this one...

So, until then.

**Lils**: That seems to be Noah's current purpose in (fictional) life...

**BwayDiva**: You're telling me... this might sound odd, but it's for a reason...

**L.M.Ward**: Yay! Wasn't very subtle?

**Kelby**: Good to hear from you again! Yeah, however, I've only been able to see it twice...my stupid computer, which won't show any visuals for the videos on the blog either...keeps blocking everything...

**sam**: Thanks! Hope you were able to read more, and that you liked it!

**Coming Up**:

1) Finding out who called Benny  
2) They clean out the back room  
3) The Wedding narrated by Roger (eventually)

_while I have been trying to keep the narration steadily Mark there are going to be some cases and situations that requires someone else or multiple_ _people, but I'll try to be clear_

* * *

_**until next time, this is me...signing out.**_


	24. A Call From The Past

Chapter 23: A Call From the Past  
as told by _**Benny**_  
4 August

* * *

**"Speak."**

"Benny? Benny, are you there? Benny, damnit, pick up the phone. Shit, do you really think I'd be trying this hard to get a hold of you with out a reason? Crap, I've got to go. Call me you have our number."

* * *

**"Speak."**

"Benny, fine, just please listen. I'm only calling because Allison wants you to know. She...um...she got into a car accidnet...on Monday...it's pretty bad; she been in and out of consciencenous, but she keeps asking for you...Call me."

* * *

_I hate the damn rain._

It's raining today and it rained the day Allison told me.  
Three years, three months, and four days ago it rained.

In the beginning, I thought that what I had with Allison and the friendship I had with the guys were two seperate, and equally important factors in my life; the best of both worlds. But it started to become more about the money, more about pleasing my backers (_a.ka. her father_). Then I started blaming Allison for all the thing I thought I had lost. I blamed her for the lost of what I once had believed, I even blamed her when Roger started calling me _'the yuppie scum'_. The woman I thought I had loved had evolved into my enemy, and how are you supposed to love your enemy?

So, I found my comfort in Mimi. The worst part of it now is realizing I never loved her like I should have. The only one who could ever have done that was Roger. For me, Mimi was my reconnection to the past I still wanted, even to the friends I left behind. Sure, they might hate me, yell at me, call me choice names, but at least there was some form of communication.

When Allison found out about Mimi, she was pissed, of course. Yet every time she bothered to yell at me it was more along the lines of_ "How could you waste our money on a hopeless junkie?"_ There was nothing about betraying her with another woman, maybe that should have been my first clue.

I met Clair on the day Allison and I finalized our divorce. Apparently the two of them had met on a business trip to Sydney, a trip I decided at the last minute not to go on (we were supposed to take a red eye on the October thirtieth and something had...came up, closer to home). I far as I could tell they've been together since.

I approach the information desk and am soon pointed to the ICU floor.

I don't know how Mark and Maureen can still get together; Allison and I haven't spoken a word to each other since the finalization. Then again, Mark and Maureen had alot more together than just a relationship.

The hospital is just too damn clean.

I see Clair standing next to the nurses' station, and I brace myself.

"Clair?"

"Benny. You came."

I shrug. Get in and get out, that's the plan.

"They're going to do another surgery tonight to see if they can repair any more of the internal damage. You can go in and see her now, I don't know if she's awake or not, but she can still hear you."

I nod, take the final steps to the room, open the door, breathe and walk in.

She barely resembles the Allison I knew, with all the bandages and machines. I sit down in the chair next to the bed, and lean forward towards her,

"Hey, Clair called me and I just want you to know I came."

"Hey."

I look up to see here mouth barely move, she barely speak as it is.

"Sorry."

She apologizes. Her hand twitches and instinctively I reach for it, hold it.

"Naw, you have nothing to be sorry for. Clair is probably better for you than I was."

"You...hap...py?"

"Yeah."

"Girl?"

"No."

She struggles for a breath.

"Guy?"

I smile, "No."

"The girl?"

She's refering to Mimi.

"No. She and Roger got back together. Noah, thier son, will be three soon."

"The...cam...era...boy...how...is...he?"

Mark was the only one she could ever really even tolerate.

"Mark's getting married and inheriting a five year old."

Before she can ask anymore questions, the nurse comes in, and as I get up to go I can feel her try to squeeze my hand.

"Love...you...still...you...know?"

I swallow hard.

"Yeah..You too, okay?"

I leave the room to find Clair waiting again.

"Call me if anything...happens, please?"

She nods. "You'll pick up this time?"

I nod and turn to leave.

"Benny?"

I turn around.

Clair sighs, "Thanks."

I spend the rest of the day next to the phone.

"Benny." It's Mark. "You okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You missed a meeting, don't worry, I filled in for you. Not that I had any clue what they we're talking about. And now you're pulling a Roger, you haven't left that spot since I got home."

"It's nothing...just thinking."

"Alright...Um, Ella, Kenna, and I are going to meet Roger and everyone at the Life, do you want anything?"

"Naw."

Mark looks at me one last time, before shrugging and leaving. He knows something is wrong, that's Mark, knows when something is not how is should be...when someone is lying."

**7:23 P.M.**

The phone rings.

"Hello?"

Clair's voice came in sobs, "...Benny...Allison...the surgery...she didn't make it through..."

_I hate the damn rain_.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**  
_Just so you know the call to Benny at the end of the Machine Interlude B came on theMonday the car accidenthappened. There is just been alot to put in between points A and B._

So this is the poor-Benny chapter that was suppossed to happen about five or so chapters earlier, but it fits better here. I couldn't just mention it in the prologue and keep mum on the whole thing, so what better time?

Okay, responses...

**BwayDiva**: Civil, yes...(vague sounds of evil kackling come out of a very old radio; lightning flashes omniously at the exact moment the radio dies)...well, if all works out as planned, but that so rarely happens

**Lils**: Next chapter and the wedding, promise.. Different is good...I think.

**godessofwisdom**: thanks so much.

**carsonheir**: I'm going to assume you meant Cade forgave too fast...And no I don't think she has completly forgiven him...her way of handling situations is very much like a Roger/Maureen outburst with a Collins sense of logic to it...if that makes any sense...I had to keep in mind that Cade and Mark had known each other, even if it was a short period of time...any how, I hold your opinion in the highest respect, as I try (deep emphasis on the word try) to with every opinion...There is probably some hostility it's just not blantant.

**L.M.Ward**: Really? Oh, well, I guess we can cross of sublte and cunning on my list of character traits...as to Cade, that's just her way of handling thing (_see above note to carsonheir_)...Trust me we'll most likely see more of her out bursts...if they work

**rentjunkie6688**: Glad to know it!

Up Next:  
They clean out the back room  
the wedding

and I am hoping to explore more facets to the story as we go; just as long as it doesn't get ridiculouly long, it wouldn't be fair to you guys to expect you to read 1,034 chapters going _'when the hell is this torture going to end?...just shut up and tell me the end'  
_  
Any how...facets such as:

the Mark-Maureen-Cade relationship, especially Mark and Cade  
Definitely Mark and Ella  
Mo-Jo-twins family dynamic  
Roger and Noah  
Benny and himself (not as egotistical on Benny's part as it sounds; as I mention on my profile page, _how could a guy who uses the term 'poo-poo' be all that bad?)  
_Etc. Etc.  
_And of course how the baby fits into the whole loft life dynamic_

**and the RENT (Movie) cast is going to be on the TODAY show as part of the Toyota summer concert series on Thursday! Yay!**

* * *

_**until next time, this is me...signing out**_


	25. What He Needs To Know

Chapter 24: What He Needs To Know  
as told by **_Roger_**  
5 August

* * *

"Okay, this time we're really leaving. Roger, are you sure you don't want us to take Noah with us"  
Ella pops her head into the backroom. 

I nod, "Yeah, I doubt he'd really be into dress shopping."

She shrugs and soon we can hear her and Kenna exit the loft door for the fifth time, only this time they don't reappear. My attention goes back to the piles of crap around me, Mark and Noah.

I reach down and pull out something that is buried under a pile of newspaper.

"Why do we have an ab roller?" I ask trying to examine what I'm holding.

Mark looks at it, and begins to laugh, "You were drunk and pulled it of some dumpster...I think you thought it did something else."

I glare at him.

He put his hands up, "I swear. It was when we first moved in here. Ask Benny..."

"He was probably drunk, too..."

"Oh, right."

We slowly start to throw things away and the room starts to slowly get emptier. It's hard looking at some of this stuff. Some of the stuff reminding me how much I've screwed up. Most of the stuff left over from April is laying broken in a box. How fitting...broken things belonging to a broken person...and yet, you still want to look. You can still see or pretend to see how great it once was, how great your mind believes it to be. I quickly toss the box into the trash, that flames been out for a long time.

I look up to find Mark dwelling over two pieces of what once was a stuffed animal. I think Mo gave him that.

"Mark."

"Huh?"

I offer the trash bag, he takes a few seconds before fiercely, well as fierce as Mark can get, throwing it in the trash.

" 'Addy. look."

My attention turns to Noah who is proudly holding up a shoebox he has uncovered, like he's found some buried treasure.

"What have you got there, little man?"

He comes over and plops into my lap. He opens the lid and I cans see some stuff from when Mimi and I slept in the room next door.

"Wha's dis?"

He pulls out a small box.

"Roger?" I can hear Mark, but I ignore him and pull the ring out of the box.

"I was gonna give this to your mommy when you and her came home from the hospital."

I had bought it two days before she went into labor...before she died. I didn't tell anyone, not even Mark knew, it was just going to be one big surprise. _But so much for that right_? I just couldn't bring myself to take it back...I just tossed into one of the boxes that Mark was dragging to bury here.

Noah turns to face me,

"Are you sad dat Mommy didn come home?"

I nod, "Yeah."

He turns back around and sits there for a few moments.

"Sorry." He says quietly.

"Why are you sorry?"

" 'Cos I came home, not Mommy and dat made you sad."

That took me off guard. How in the hell...could he think like that. I pull him up to face me, and sigh.

"Noah, you shouldn't be sorry, okay?...When your mom...didn't come home, yes I was sad, but it wasn't becuase you came home instead. I was...happy when you came home, okay? I don't want you to be sorry...you didn't do anything wrong. Remember, you only say your sorry when you do something wrong. You have never made me sad...you have always made me proud, okay?"

He nods, and I hope,...pray he understands what I'm trying to tell him.

"I love you, Noah."

" 'ove you too."

"Come 'ere."

I pull him back into my lap and pull out some pictures...

"This is your mom and me...and this one is your mom, me, and Mark..."

"Mark ooks funny."

"Let me see." Mark has made himself known again, and moves over to where we are sitting before pulling out a picture I had purposely left in the box.

"Well, look at this one."

Noah looks, and soon goes into a giggling fest.

"How about we go get you some cookies?"

Noah nods, gets up, and runs to the kitchen. Once I've got him set up in the living room I head back and slowly gather the box together.

"You alright?"

I look up to see Mark leaning against wall, concerned.

I shrug, "I'm fine, it was just hard...But, I would have been stupid to think it would have never come up, right?"

He stares at me, like he's trying to read into what I'm saying, but gives up and just nods.

"Let's get this done."

* * *

_**Author's notes**_: 

Okay, so I know this is more of a filler chapter, but quess what comes next? Yay.  
Sorry, it took so long to get up...my inspiration deflated a bit when I found out the RENT was only coming out to NY, LA, and Toronto on the the 11th and everyone else has to wait until the 23rd.

But I found some thing that kind of pushed me...the soundtrack is supposed to come out 27 Sept.!

were you guys able to catch them on the TODAY show...and has extra footage from that and their performance in Bryant park...has a bit of "Take me or Leave me"

**carsonsheir**: Well, I mean it...Thanks as always...hopefully it stays that way...and while I agree with you, but it never hurts to try...and personal expierence? Oh...and as to Allison...I'm sure I was clear was I?...she um...died at the end...

**BwayDiva**: Thanks! and it's coming up next

**Lils**: know what you're talking about Benny, it's hard to hate him...Thanks as always

**Kelby**: did you catch it...and thanks.

* * *

_**until next time, this is me...signing out**_


	26. No Letting Go

Chapter 25: No Letting Go  
as told by: **Roger and Mark** _(and it will be marked witch ones right under the breaks)_  
Saturday 14 October  
a.k.a- Mark and Ella's wedding.

* * *

**_(Roger)_**

This is either the smartest or stupidest thing I've ever seen Mark do. Stupid in that he's going to kill himself worrying about everything. Smart in that if he makes it through Ella can control his worry.

Benny and Scott goes to see if the girls are ready, taking Noah and Roman with them, and leaving me and the pacing Mark in the small back room of the tiny church, the only place they were able to find on short notice.

I laugh as I watch him mess with his hands. Cade kidnapped it during the middle of the night so that he'd actually end up getting married.

I could hear him mumbling.

"Come on, Mark,...Mark, look at me. I am Roger, your best friend, your roommate, andthe bestman would I really let you do something stupid?"

He glares at me.

Okay, maybe not the best question.

"You're the one who asked her. Your fault."

"_Not helping_, Roger."

"You weren't letting me. Could you slow down you going back and forth is making me dizzy."

He suddenly stops, concerned, _shit_...

"Not like that...I just meant you need to calm down."

"What if she changes her mind? What if she has to throw up? What if I faint? What if you faint?"

I really can't believe he dragged me into that.

"What if the boys trip..."

This is one of the moments I wish I had my guitar to knock some sense into him...well, as much sense as I'd be willing to offer.  
Benny comes in and nods.

"Mark."

He's not listening.

"Mark David Cohen."

"What?"

**Finally**.

"Breathe. You're getting married. Now. Deal with it."

I grab him by the arm and drag him out.

* * *

_**(Mark)**_

Okay, here goes nothing. Who am I kidding? Here goes everything.

I stand next to the old priest who doing the ceremony, Ella's father's one request.

The only people in the pews are my parents, Lizzy, two of Ella's mother's sisters dressed in traditional garb who were able to come from India to see this, and two people from the studio. Everyone else is in the wedding. Kind of funny how only two people are actually saying the vows, actually getting married, but the ceremony involves everybody and their brother.

I breathe as it all begins. I can't believe we pulled it off.

Aurora and Roman are first. Aurora refusing to distribute her small amount of flowers, and slapping Roman's hand every time he tries to do it for her. I see Cade in the corner filming, before my dad gets up and takes his turn so she can get to where every one else is.

Kenna and Noah are next. Kenna proudly tosses the petals out of the basket, her happiness dampened when she finishes the basket in the middle. Noah has that cocky grin of Roger's on his face.

Scott and Joanne.  
Benny and Maureen.  
Roger and Ella's friend Kelly.

Mr. Kirson and Ella.

Oh, god Ella.

I lose complete awareness of the fact that I'm grinning stupidly or of any one else.

Her mother's sari that over lays her dress hides the four month bump.

Here goes...

"We are gathered here..."

I zone out. She's here. This is real. She's not running.

I do what I'm supposed to when prompted.

"I do."

Then her turn...she smiles, watching me the entire time...

"I do."

She said it. Okay, Cohen, breathe.

Before he announces us...one more thing...well, two...

"Kenna..."

She comes forward, unusually shy as I put the necklace around her neck...and though she protested, Cade gets one too. It was Ella's ideal to make sure to include them in on this. I catch Cade's eye...she shrugs and mouths 'thanks' as I hear...

"..Mr. and Mrs. Mark Cohen."

We kiss and there is a sudden

"Eewww."

"Noah, shh."

We get through the motions and eventually wind up at the studio...where one of the classrooms has been turned into a small reception area.  
The food came from Ella's aunts so there are several items I don't recognize.  
The music is being roughly Deejayed by one of the guys from studio.

"Come here."

Ella grabs my hands and pull me up.

"Dance with me."

Roger laughs as I'm pulled to the middle of the room. However, Cade sees this and pulls him up and forces him to dance with her. Revenge.

Three of the kids are out sleeping.

Noah, however, is showing no signs of stopping his "dance" which is just alot of jumping, oddly looking similar to Benny's dancing.

"We're married." She whispers into my chest. I've never felt tall before Ella cam.

"You said yes."

We laugh. Ella straightens up, "I need to sit for a minute."

I begin walking back too, but a hand on my shoulder stops me,

"Roger escape. Dance with me."

A slower song comes on.

"When does the papers for Kenna become official?"

"Wednesday."

I signed paper to officially adopt Kenna. McKenney Hope Cohen now.

"You know Ella suits you. You two fit." She says as we slowly revolve around the floor.

"Thanks."

"I mean it."

She stops leans in, gives me a small peck on the cheek, and whispers,

"Congrats, Dad."

And she walks away, looking back once to smile, before engaging in a conversation with Joanne.

I walk back to where Ella and most of the rest of us are at.

"What?"

"She called me, Dad."

Ella understands. I didn't think Cade would, not after the birthday card, it feels odd yet still good. Like when Roger doesn't play his guitar and the loft is silent.

A good kind of odd.

I feel Ella's hand wrap into mine and she leans on the bench into be and I wrap my arms around her.

I kiss the top of her head.

"I love you."

"Love you, too."

"Forever."

No letting go.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

Okay, so I worked really hard on this one and I hope it shows. There a few bits I'm sure I'm missing. But I'm sure there's a certain secretary out there who is holding a draft version of this chapter and then filing it under "Weird shit that woman has handed to me over the years"...Anyhow, moving on.  
Okay, so I know I've been relatively vague about Ella, as to description and back story. Mainly because there has been no real space to put it...so indulge me for a moment as I just go ahead and tell you and save us all the trouble.

Mr. Kirson (of Irish descent) is a business man who went to India met Ella's mom, who moved to the states after a bit. They got married and had Ella in North Carolina. Ella is roughly six or eight years younger than Mark. When Ella was in her freshmen year, her mom went back to India to visit family and was killed in a church bombing, as her mom was one of the Christian minority, having converted when she married Mr. Kirson. In Ella's last year of college she met a dude named Nathan (Who Kenna gets her lighter hair from) dated for a bit and when Kenna was born Nathan ran. A few chapters back when Ella went to fix thing Nate gave up his parental rights, hence Mark adopting her...Ella was hoping for the proposal.

Any more questions on Ella just let me know.

**Lils**: Yes. Hopefully he continues that way. Thanks

**BwayDiva**: There was more but Rog got too wordy...

**L.M.Ward**: Thanks...I don't know what to say, thanks...

**Kelby**: Thanks...and yeah I get the idea...

**carsonsheir**: more my fault for not being clear...I feel so stupid for not thinking of that and ch. 6 of Dtts is coming soon, I promise...lack of time bumped this and 'All We're Left With Are The memories' up

**ShatteredTruth**: Wow, thank you so much, update soon, okay? Gypsy, huh?

Oh, heads up Scott will probably be bowing out soon...he needs to go so I can get to Cade's someone and Mark/Maureen/everyone else getting overprotective...

* * *

_**Until next time, this is me...signing out**_


	27. All That's Changed

Chapter Twenty-Six: All That's Changed  
as told by:_**Cade  
**_20 October

* * *

_A year.  
Maybe a little more.  
Maybe a little less.  
Everything's different.  
Everything's changed._

_I've changed._

_Maybe a little more than I should have. But it doesn't really matter, it happened. Although, sometimes it scares me how comfortable with where I am at...who I am now_.

-----------

I stand back, taking a few moments to just watch the situation around me.

This is one of the few good kind of good-byes I'll ever get to see. Not that I really want Scott to leave, but it'll be nice having my own little loft again.

Scott gave up a nice job to quiet the guilt he felt for "not being there for Roger" when he moved here in February ...(I will never understand men)...but, after some convincing from Roger ( a.k.a one very large fight and a bet) he finally accepted an offer for his dream job in Washington state.

So, here we are at the airport with Scott and Roger's mother and brothers waiting for his flight to be called. Our group is short two, well, three members, Mark and Ella's plane has been delayed.

Ms. Davis is fussying that he's going too far away. Ian, Jamie and Benny are lost in a conversation about the latest football scores.

Kenna and Noah are plotting something in front of me. Joanne is multi-tasking saying good-bye to Scott, while trying to stop Aurora from hitting Roman, and trying to locate something in the bottom of the twins' bag.

Mo is fighting a losing battle against Roman who has turned his frustration towards his mothers hair.

Roger pulls Scott to the side and they exhange some sort of brotherly male bonding ritual before Scott's flight is announced.

It's funny how much has changed and yet hasn't.

_A year ago_: I had lost a family, and I was saying good bye to some one.  
_Now_: I had found a family,and I am saying good bye to some one.

Funny, huh?

After Scott disappears out of sight Ian guides Ms. Davis out, and after about an hour the only ones left waiting for Mark and Ella was me, Kenna, and Jaime.

I look over to him, "You don't have to wait."

He shrugged, "Nothing better to do. Plus, I haven't seen Mark in years."

Kenna climbed onto my lap, "How much longer?"

"It's only been five minutes since the last time you asked." Jaime laughed.

She imitated him and laughed too.

A few minutes go by.

"Cade?"

"Um-hmm."

"If Mark is now my daddy, are you my sister now?"

"Sure." I respond not feeling like explaining to a five year old the details of how some things worked.

But I guess in some weird way I am. I slowly lose myself in thought.

_Hmmm...In the beginning...hah...naw..._

_I had been raised by parentls who believed that somethings that just weren't talked about. Now, I knew that they loved me, and they knew I was happy, it just wasn't everyday conversation.  
My grandfather was looser, slightly more free with his emotions. It took my grandmother dying when I was two for him to see, and it took the only parents and brother I had ever known to die for me to see.  
So, when I ran into Benny, who had once worked with my father, at my parents funeral...I saw it as my way out, my chance to find me again._

_Moving here, to the loft, somewhere so different from what I was used to felt forgein, and strange, and right._

_Things went well for the first couple of months...ah, hell who am I kidding?  
I had been ignoring my pain from losing my parents._

_Then Mark started acting wierd, and finding him and Mo really confused the hell outta me; it brought they pain I had been pushing aside to the forefront. Mark and Maureen were my parents, too, but they weren't. The had just been two people who I had vaguely been aware of then they were suddenly tow people I could see, that I knew, and found myself caring about..._

"They're here! They're here!" Kenna starts bouncing, dragging me out of my thoughts.

I get up and she runs off to Mark, who swings her up into the air.

He is a good dad.

* * *

_(three days later)_

My breakfast is interuppted by a knock at the door.

"Come on in"

Mark's head appears, "Hey."

"Hey. What's goin on?"

He shrugs. "I just...well, um..."

I laugh, "Mark. Talk."

"yes, Roger," He teases and I stick my tongue out at him, before he continues.

"I was wondering if you wanted to come with Ella and I to find out what the baby is."

That took me off guard, "I don't know Mark, isn't that something that between..."

"We really would like you to be there...well, since your kind of...sort of..." He drops.

I look at him and he seems hopeful.

Why?

Does he think he needs to try and make up for something?

Does he need some kind of reassurance?

Maybe...no...screw the maybe...

"Well, okay, if you _insist_..." I tease

* * *

**_Author's Notes:_**

Hey! So, I know that I've been trying to keep the chapters from the POV of the main RENT cast but I felt that it was Cade's turn...and because Cade is having her say...Ella will have hers too.

_I know this is kind of an odd chapter but, Cade has a lot on her mind_

I have a big favor to ask all you guys...I'm starting to outline the rest of the chapters to this story (I know its sad, but it had to come eventually) but we do still have a bit (and I have other stories that have been pushed to the back burner because of this one)...I was just wanting to know if you guys had any questions/ ideas that you were wondering about...any loose ends that you see that I should tie up...all you guys...even you readers who don't review (I know you're out there) I would really like to know so that when this story ends all ends are tied...any question of background/backstory let me know...Thanks...You guys all rock, but you knew that already didn't you?

Oh. Now the actual updates to this and all my stories will be a bit slower...due to a new show having started up about a month ago...kind of weird this is the second show I've done during the process of this fic...but know that I'm still writing...in between cranky actors...bossy director...and torn costumes and a breaking down turntable...or half of one...

Thanks and I know there's something else I'm forgetting.

Review Responses

**Lils**: Naw, not annoying at all...as I've said it his purpose and he can't lose that quite yet. Glad you like that! Thanks so much as always.

**RENThead6688**: Gee, thanks.

**BwayDiva**: It's kind of fun watchin' Mark squirm! Thanks! Aye, how does one go about completely describing Roger? Thanks.

**carsonsheir**: No one can be perfect? **_I _**can't be perfect? _Damn it_...Thanks a million times over..as alway

**L. M. Ward**: Hmmm...Gig? interesting way to describe it...Thanks

**_until next time, this is me...signing out_**


	28. What Will Make Me See?

Chapter Twenty-Seven: What Will Make Me See?  
as told by _**Ella  
**_23 November

* * *

_Why is this feeling back?_

I thought it had gone away.

That little feeling that I just wanted to run, to get out, to just do something more.

Then I found out that I was pregnant with Kenna, and I had to put aside those thoughts, that feeling...

But when my life seemed like it was unraveling I moved Kenna and I to the city, so I wouldn't have to face the fear of that thought again, instead I came face to face with Mark.

The need to run was destroyed.

_Or so I thought._

My hands slowly find my growing stomach, but I don't find the reassurance that I had been looking for.  
The slight snoring from Mark, slows, then dies, before he turns and faces me.

"...Can't sleep?"

I shake my head 'no'.

He smiles, "Come 'ere."

He pulls me in, wraps his arms around me and lay my head against his chest.

He soon asleep again.

Why can't...no, _why isn't this enough_?

Why am I getting cold feet after the fact?

Why do I want to leave?

Does this make me a bad person or does it make me normal?

Morning comes, and I find myself sitting in the kitchen holding back all the urges to yeall at the rock star wannabe who relentlessly feels that its okay to practice at five in the morning.

But, it doesn't bother anyone else, hell, it didn't even bother me at first.

So, why now?

After an hour I carefully sneak back into the room, to get dressed...maybe...no, I can't...

But what if it helps in the long run?

**What about Kenna?**

Mark will watch her.

**What about Mark?**

Roger and Benny will watch him.

Later...I'll go later today...

"Did Roger wake you up?"

Mark's voice breaks through my thoughts.

I shake my head, "No, it's this little guy..." I nod to my stomach.

His smile broadens...maybe, I'm just being selfish...

"Are you okay?"

I laugh, don't let him suspect me, "What makes you think that?"

"Nothin' just asking...are you sure you and Kenna don't want to come today...make it a family event?"

"Then we'd have to drag Roger, and Noah, and Benny and..anyhow, I thought you were looking forward today..."

He picks up my attempt at teasing him, he comes over and silences me by kissing me...

I slowly pull away..._don't let him know_...

"Now, you'll get a chance to give Cade the third degree about that guy you saw her at the Life with?"

"Mark! Cade here." Roger's voice rescues me from acting anymore.

Mark gives me one more concerned look before he throws on a shirt and leaves the room.

But, he back, kissing my cheek,

"I love you."

"Love you, too." I answer as he leaves again with a quick good-bye.

I relunctanly drag myself back into the kitchen...

"Mommy, can we go to the park today?"

"After you get dressed..."

She off, dragging her poor Noah who hasn't even had a chance to finish his cereal.

A few moments go by before...

"Are you planning on hurting Mark?"

Roger is leaning against the counter, his eyes scanning me fiercly.

"What makes you say that?"

I try to sound defensive and not guilty.

"I, of all people, know how it is when somebody wants to run..."

He starts to walk away.

"Roger?"

"Yeah?"

"They're just thoughts...don't tell Mark, please?"

He slowly nods.

God, I hate it went Roger has his wise moments.

------

But it's 8 P.M. now and I'm staring at a packed suitcase...

My taxi is here.

_Just for a couple of days, _I reassure myself.

Just to find a few answers.

Mark'll be back soon...it's now or never.

I drag the suitcase to the door.

Noah and Kenna are playing in their bedroom with Benny and Roger's out getting dinner. Here I go.

Down the steps.

No, looking back...just a few days. That's it.

I had snuck into Cade's apartment (she rarely locks the door)and called forthe taxi earlier.

But as I hand my suit case over, I look around, and up to make sure the area is clear, my eye catches the end of the street. There are two people running away, and then I see...where they ran from...

"Cade! Mark!"

Oh, God...

_**I can see**_...

* * *

**_Author's Notes_**: 

Tenmore days  
Sixty-Seven more days (or fifty-seven after the ten either way)

This started out being a very fluffy, cutesy chapter but I began to decide that the overall story is a tad too fluffy for my liking therefore making this the perfect moment to show some of Ella's flaws...now don't hate her...she's just a little lost.  
I don't think it help that I was watching/listening to a death scene being rehearsed...which oddly was followed by a lead who decided to break the tension with what he calls a 'Fanny Bryce worthy Yiddish accent' on a French song...

so any how Review responses:

**carsonheir**: Oh, well, I guess it what gonna happen eventually...oh, trust me, the antics fly around daily...unfortunately some times even the best prank comes at the most inoportune moment...Thanks as always.

**eLpHaBaFaBaLaElPhIeFa**E: Yep,...I guess you figured it out...glad you found it and enjoy it...Love to hear more from you (nudge, nudge, hint, hint, wink, wink) Thanks.

**BwayDiva**: I'm very glad to hear that...and it's hard to not love Mark. Thanks.

**Lils**: I was waiting to hear from you. Fabulous? I think I love that word now. Thanks as always.

two more things:

1) If you get a chance check out Bound By Something More by lost my rent...a clever idea about how Mark and Roger met posted by a friend of mine...it's pretty good...chapter two will be up soon for those who are reading it...I've been nagging him to update it...

2) I'm gonna repeat my request from the last chapter:

_I have a big favor to ask all you guys...I'm starting to outline the rest of the chapters to this story (I know its sad, but it had to come eventually) but we do still have a bit (and I have other stories that have been pushed to the back burner because of this one)...I was just wanting to know if you guys had any questions/ ideas that you were wondering about...any loose ends that you see that I should tie up...all you guys...even you readers who don't review (I know you're out there) I would really like to know so that when this story ends all ends are tied...any question of background/backstory let me know...Thanks...You guys all rock, but you knew that already didn't you?_

Thanks again and...

I lied there's a third thing

3) the next chapter to All We're Left With Are The Memories will be up (if all goes as planned) by Wednesday and Deeper Than The Surface by the following Wednesday...

* * *

_**until next time, this is me signing out...**_


	29. Knowing and Waiting

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Knowing and Waiting  
as told by_ Mark_  
23-26 November

* * *

I can see Ella come out of the building then back...she's waiting for something.  
Me...I hope. 

Wait, _What's Ella doing with a suitcase?_

"Cade..."

Cade? I turn...or try to, but I can feel a sudden pressure under my shoulder blade.

"Move or say a word and you'll regret it."

The voice is rough and harsh.

Oh, God.

A few well placed punches and everything goes black...

* * *

I squint as my eyes open, and wince as the pain in my head surges. 

Where I am?  
What the hell happened?  
_But it all comes back._

I can feel the hand on my hand shift.

Ella sits next to bed, the worry highly apparent on her face.

**Was the suitcase a dream?**

But her face scares me, it something I can't read...no, that's a lie, I've seen that face so many times before...I just don't want to believe it means the same thing.

"Hey." I try.

She lifts her head, slightly shocked, and then smiles.

"Your up...how'd do feel?"

"Like shit."

She lets out a small. nervous, yet relieved laugh...I wasn't trying to be funny.

She sighs, "Well, the doctor said that the headache's going to be the worst of it...you got off lucky..."

"What about Cade...?"

She shrugs her shoulders, "I don't know...Benny's waiting for news right now. Maureen and Joanne haven't made it back from Joanne's parents house yet."

She stops and silence settles over the two of us...she hasn't answered the questions that I was looking for...

_do I even want to know?_

_No._

_But...I have to know..._

"Were you going somewhere?"

There it is again...the same face Roger woreevery timehe ran.

I can see tears forming...**_no, she can't cry, she can't_**...as she nods her head.

No words.

I can barely say it, "Were you going to come back?"

She looks away, "Yes,...no,...I don't know."

That hurts the most...the 'I don't know' so unsure...but this is my life it has never been assured of anything...not even love, apparently.

"Why?"

I can't believe she looks surprised that I asked...I've got to know.

She shakes her head, "I don't know...really, it's like...I realized how deep I had allowed myself to get with you..."

_Deep? I **married** you_.

"...and I felt scared because every other time...I was left all by myself when I opened my eyes..."

She was crying so hard, and as angry as I wanted to be I couldn't...no that's another lie I was mad.

But this is Ella. The woman I love.

_Maybe it's as simple as that..._

_Maybe I want it to be as simple as that.._

I fight the millions of explosive feeling that are going off in my head and sit up, pulling her to the best of my ability onto the bed. She lets me hold her, whispering in my ear,

"I don't know why it scared me so much...but the only thing that was worse was seeing you lying on the ground...and knowing that I'd be hurting you even worse if I left even when I didn't want to go, I didn't...I was just scared...and ..."

"Stupid?" I offer.

"yeah, I'm such an shitass."

"But you're my shitass...don't forget."

"...you're both...what's the new word?...shitasses who will happily ever after...amen."

"Shit! Ass!"

"Noah!"

I look up to see Roger and Noah making sure their presence is known.

"Where's Kenna?" Ella asks frantically.

"With Joanne and Benny. When Maureen arrived the doctor showed up...Cade's going to be fine, eventually...she apparently fought back..."

that doesn't surprise me...

"They were able to stop the blood loss from the knife wound...but, she's alsogot a broken rib, broken arm, broken leg, and a broken foot, and she's still unconscience right now."

"Cade got owie." Noah simplifys.

* * *

The let me out that night, but I don't leave the hospital. Instead, I station my self in Cade's room waiting for her to wake up. 

Ella stays too. Where ever I go...she's there too...I guess she feels she has to make it up to me, but knowing that she didn't go...that helps.

We haven't really been able to talk too much, being preoccupied can do that. But alot can be said in the silence.

I watch Cade laing there on the bed...she looks oddly angelic, which I contradicts her normal personality.

Is this someone ideal of a sick joke? Why does anyone ever feel the need to do shit like this?  
Cade may not be a saint but she minds her own bussiness. She never asked for this, but no one ever does. Who would?

The last three days, I've felt like a little kid watching for a magic trick or waiting to see Santa's sled on Christmas Eve.

The room is lined with flowers, and I didn't know that Cade knew this many people. There are flowers from my parents, her grandfather, and even Maureen's uncle (apparently my mother thought he ought to know), then the ones from the studio, and more people whose connection to the girl in the bed remains unkown. This morning flowers arrived, one from Cade's ex, Micah, and one from Cindy..both of which were quickly trashed by Roger.

Ella is asleep on the chair next to the window, Maureen has gone back to wearing down the hallway, while Roger leans against the hallway wall scribbling on a note pad. Both Joanne and Benny got babysitting duty and are back at the loft.

Slowly and suddenly a dry, tired voice sounds in the room.

"What?...no camera...in my face?...it's some kind of...miracle..."

Only Cade would use the word miracle at this moment...wait...

Cade!

* * *

**Author's Notes**

So I was a little worried about last chapter. I got so many hits in such a little time yet it took so long to get the small number of reviews...not that I'm complaining, I'm just taking it as that the last chapter was so awesome it left you all speechless...let me live in my little dream..._**ignorance is bliss**_.

**BwayDiva**: _Just leaving_...that's a little warped. See now? If not just let me know.

**carsonheir**: Actually I understood that perfectly...oh trust me there going to be some content (if all goes as planned) up you "hopless romantic" alley..just for you...

**Lils**: No need to cry. but Cade did get hurt...so I dunno maybe, you've never had enough until you've reached the end... not crazy...no worries. Thanks

**Born2Bbad**: thanks...I think...yeah Mark has a naughty side...see now? thanks.

* * *

**_until next time, this is me...signing out_**. 


	30. To Follow In My Father's Footsteps

**Chapter 29:**_To Follow in My Father's Footsteps_  
as told by _**CADE**_  
_Date change at the beginning of each section_

* * *

**Date: 20 December**

I'm twenty fucking years old and can't reach a bowl to get some cereal...

Damn it.

It's a lose lose situation.  
Keep reaching and I die trying Stop reaching and I die of starvation

Just got to get the bowl

I just had to pick now to be hungry...

I look around the loft were I had move into, temporarily, since the hospital released me.

No one has magically appeared.  
They are allout Christmas shopping.

Alright, enough dwelling, Cade, back to the cereal...

Just a little bit further...

Damnit.

I decide to release my anger, "I'm going to kill Roger..."

"I know how you feel. He does make a great target. Want some help?"

If it were possible to jump in this wheelchair, I would have.  
I get turned to the table and he comes around easily grabbing both the bowl and cereal.

"You guys really should get that door fixed." Jaime Davis sits down across from me.

I had only met him once before, he seems nice enough.

"What brings you here?"

"Christmas presents. Mom sent some for everyone...and some food. She was also planning to send you some flowers, but I figure there was plent of those so I made her get...this..."

"An extendable hand?" I joke.

"No, better."

"Connect Four?"

"Playable with only one hand. Keeps Captain Hook entertained for hours."

"Gee, thanks." I let out sarcastically.

He shrugs back into his chair. "Why'd they leave you alone?"

"Apparently its hard to buy a gift for someone when you have to push them around and I guess it also proves difficult whenI'm commentating on everythingthey look at..."

"That'll do it."

I look at my watch.

**2:24**

"Where the hell are they?"

"You just said..."

"No, Mark said he'd be here to take me to a check up at three."

"Oh."

I struggle to single handledlly roll myself away from the table. I've started to master this act.

"I could take you."

I look back and survey the man sitting at the table.

"We could leave a note." He tries.

I barely know him, I remind myself. I know, I know, but still...

"Sure, sounds good"

* * *

**Date: 5 Jan.**

"You're back."

"Yep. You ready to go?" Jaime says getting posistioned behind me.

"One second... Dad? You guys? I'm going to rehab...I'll be back...at ...er, sometime..."

Mark emerges, "Do you want me...oh, um, Jaime..okay, see ya."

He looks a little hurt, but why can't I feel bad? I want to...

Thirty minutes of hell go by well and the next thing I know I'm being wheeled in to a sandwhich shop. It's a rather small place and we find a table in the corner.

It's easy talking to Jaime. He's not entrenched in the drama that is life in the loft. He's just here.

He laughs at something I said. He leans in.

Oh, God, don't. No. Don't.

He did.

This is Roger's brother.  
I can't do this...Not now.

I pull out of the kiss.

I'm good single...I'm also lonely...

Aww...hell with it.

* * *

**Date: 12 Feb**

It's good to be in my own place again, even if the living room does smell over bearingly of Benny's cologne.

Also very good to walk, somewhat, again.

"So, what this I hear about Jaime Davis?"

I'm nearly catapulted out of my bed as Maureen bounces on to the foot of the bed.

"Hey, How'd you get in here?"

"Honey, you never lock the door."

_**Note to self**: reconsider open-door policy._

Not that I don't love Mo, but sometimes...

She's looking at me like Noah and Kenna do when they're waiting for a story.

"There's nothing going on, just friends. I swear."

"You're no fun."

"Hey, what really brings you here?" I ask trying to readjust myself on the bed to her room.

"Just wanted to see how you were doing." She shrugs.

"Thanks."

* * *

**Date: 15 March**

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"You'll see." Jaime says leading me somewhere from the outside.

"Oh, so I guess that means the blindfold, which I should mention is not your best tactic, is coming off soon."

"Yeah...um, I'm sorry about that but, it was needed."

Something dings, my now bad leg runs into a wall.

"Shit. Ow. I'm really starting to hate you right now."

"You'll forgive me."

"Little presumptious, aren't we?"

Another ding.

I'm picked up, probably to prevent another collision with a wall.

"Okay, we're here."

He takes off the blindfold. I'm in an empty apartment.

"Here is where, exactly?"

"My new place."

"You moved into the city?"

"Yep."

"Why? Does your mother know? What about Roger?"

He turns to look out a window.

Shit. Me and my mouth. But my mind is racing, and for a few second I feel like I'm channeling Mark.  
Thousands of thoughts and questions coming...concerns and worries.

Then again, everybody finds there someone, _hell Mark did_...why shouldn't I get my turn.  
Yeah.

I limp towards him, lean against his shoulder...

"This is great, _really_...but don't expect me to be much help when it comes to moving in...on the upside...you do have an elevator a luxury the loft lacks."

There's that smile.

Our moment is rudely interuppted, by the relatively new cell phone singing 'Waltzie Matilda'

_**Note to Self**: Learn how to put cell on silent setting..._

"Hey?"

"Cade, Ella's water just broke...we're heading to the hospital..."

"Okay,...um...wow...We'll meet you there."

* * *

Author's Notes:

Okay you guys...Sorry for the long delay...It's been a tough couple of weeks.  
On top of the show and everything I had to put the dog I've had since I was nine to sleep.  
They found two tumors the size of baseballs in his throat and his stomach that had gone undetected. So that messed me up for a couple of days...I was extremely attached...

So anyhow almost everything for this story has some how been miraculously been written, just needs to be edited and a couple of places need to be reworked and fixed.

I'm going to go ahead and explain it now so we can all be on the same page:  
There going to be one more 'official chapter'  
Then there's going to be three epliougues (Epilogues A, B, and C, respectively)

Feel free to address any problems/concerns you may see.

Oh, Who was able to catch the cast on Regis and Kelly on the 13th? I had to miss it...work, naturally.  
and the soundtrack is out now...it isnot too shabby at all...

* * *

Review Responses:

**eLpHaBaFaBaLaElPhIeFaE**: Isn't it? I'm going...Thanks.

**carsonheir**: good for you in this chap? No I wasn't able to see that? What all did say/ cover?  
The shows going...damn set piece keeps breaking but thats life isn't it? Thanks as always

**L.M.Ward**: Wish that the review could have been elaborated? What's wrong with it? Thanks for taking the time anyhow.

**BwayDiva**: first, I forgot to give you millions of bonus points for catching the date on the other chapter. you were the only one...don't feel bad in the end it worked out, didn't it? If you disagree feel free to let me know. Thanks as always

**Born2bBad**: Yes, Well Cindy and Micah will never be showing their faces again...Thanks.

**Lils**: Keep your eye out for Epilogue A (he's not going be two and so cute anymore, but still) Thanks...Yeah...that always helps.

**RENThead6688**: Glad to hear it. Thanks!

* * *

_**until next time, this is me...signing out**_


	31. Here and What Once Was

Chapter 30: Here and What Once Was  
as told by Roger  
15 March

* * *

Marks about ready to piss his pants as he heads back from his latest update.  
There was nothing new and the rest of us went back to find something to entertain ourselves. 

Maureen was exaggerating out of her ass as she recounts to the twins the day they were born. Benny was trying to convince Kenna that she really wasn't needed to help her mom.  
Noah was sitting on my lap, sleeping. This held no amusement for him.

Jaime left to pick up food and Cade hobbled over to me.

"You okay?"

I shrugged.

* * *

(flashback: the day Noah was born) 

"Roger, get the bag we've got to go..."

I guickly grab the first thing I can reach...turns out to be the guitar, that won't do any good.  
Next thing, there we go...

I pound on the door across the hall, "Cohen, we're going...future rock star is ready for his first show."

I can hear vague mumbling as a get to the front door. Collins is wide awake and tags along.

"How can you be so sure its a boy?" He laughs at me. Everyone's been betting that its going to be a girl. Mimi won't tell anyone what she thinks.

" 'Cos I know everything, right? Of course!"

"Roger, quiet, people are still sleeping."

It takes forever to get to the hospital and Mimi is having a harder and harder time. I'm starting to get worried. The nurse takes some information and quickly rushes us to the delivery room...the baby is coming too fast.

Its a blur for a bit.

"Mimi. We're going to need you to push one more time."

She listens.

"That's it girl." I whisper in her ear, holding her hand. "I love you."

"You too."

"Congratulations, its a boy."

I knew it!

"Noah..." she whispers, "Noah made it through the storm."

She leans back, closes her eyes.

"Miss Marquez? Mimi?" The nurse leans forward. She begins to panic.

What the hell?

The nurse turns to me, "We're going to need you to leave now."

"What's wrong?"

But I've been shoved out the door.

Collins mysteriously sneaks through the door blockade and waits with me.

"Mr. Davis?" I look up.

_God, no_...what the hell?

THey lost her. How can you lose a person?  
There a blur about keeping Noah for a few day, getting him checked up every once and while...paperwork...

Hand on my shoulder...Collins...

"Roger."

end flashback

* * *

"Roger? Remembering Mimi?" Cade's voice sounds in my mind. 

"How could you tell?"

She points down to Noah, "Your started gradually holding him tighter."

"Oh."

She smiles sympathetically.

Another two hours.

Mark comes back out. Leads us to the nursery.

Watch him go in. Brings a boy to the window.

"Shon Thomas Cohen" He mouths.

That night I put Noah down for bed and head out to the fire escape with the fender.  
Tune it.

"You okay?"

I turn and Mark is climbing out.

"You're home?"

"Yeah, make sure everything was ready here for tomorrow. Youd didn't answer."

"I'm fine."

He sighs, "Stop trying to sell your bullshit, I'm not buying..."

I have to laugh...only Mark...used to be my favorite line.

"I'm fine...I'm happy for you..."

"Happy? That's not very rock star of you..."

"Fuck you Mark."

He just sits there watching me as I pluck out chords trying to ignore him.

I've known him for too long.

He doesn't need to know.

Damnit.

Watching him hold Shon scared the hell out of me. Mark's got nothing but time. Time to take Shon all over...show him how to film...talk to him about girls...all stuff dads are suppossed to do.

What if I don't get that? What if Noah doesn't get that? I'm scared he's going to hate me for not being there.

"Mark?"

"hmm?"

"When I'm gone, you'll be there for Noah right? Make sure he's safe."

"Like camping."

"Cohen, I said keep him safe, not go off and kill him."

"I can camp." He laughs.

He nods. "We'll all be there for him. You'll be there too."

Yeah, just not the way I'd like to be.

The next day comes. Maureen invaded the loft and decorated. McKenna is prancing around like a mix between a fairy child and Maureen, which is Benny fault: he kept feeding her candy so she'd stop asking him questions about how babies are born.

Mark comes in guiding Ella whose carrying Shon. I swear baby have some kind of magnet, because despite the room in the loft we are all attached to Ella.

There's a tug at my pants, Noah.

"Come here bud." I pick him up so he can see too.

Shon squirms and lets out a shrieking noise. Noah scrunches his nose.

"Ucle Mark?"

"Yeah, Noah."

"Take it back."

"Back where?"

"Where it came from."

* * *

Author's Notes: 

So while I attempted several times to write this from Mark's POV, it just wasn't going to happen for some reason. I dunno...plus I think several things needed to be covered by Roger...

Review Responses:

**eLpHaBaFaBaLaElPhIeFaE**: thanks as always...hope you enjoy.

**Born2Bbad**: Yes! Mo is very hard to write. Have you found that? Anything rent is great...which one...schmehh...thanks...

**BwayDiva**: Everyone needs a someone. Exciting maybe. Thanks.

**Lils**: He won't be little any more...the last bit in this chap was for you knew you'd probably like it...gave you some time...I know I don't want to end either but Gutes Ende, Alles Gut or something like that bonus points if you understand that...and no betraying show characters I'm sure they won't mind although I'll blame you for Noah's swelling ego...Thanks as always..

oh and **carsonheir**: I kow last chap wasn't full on romantic but I hope you still enojoyed it...

* * *

_**until next time, this is me...signing out...**_


	32. Epilogue A: Maybe I Got A Little Lost

Epilogue A: Maybe I Got A Little Lost Along The Way  
as told by **Noah Davis  
**_(aged 17)_  
23 December

* * *

I don't know where I stand on this whole Christmas thing. Sure, in theory Christmas is great. More food than you ever really need and a whole bunch of junk that you want. I just get hung on the whole family togetherness thing. Is it so wrong that it hurts when I see Mark and Cade or Joanne and Roman? There's just I bond I guess I miss.

There was one christmas, I was ten. Dad woke me up early and we went around the city just the two of us, then he snuck me into a bar where had a gig.

Two weeks later we found about the state of T-cells.

Christmas stopped for me.

* * *

I knew Mark was up to something. He doesn't hide secrets very well. Maybe that's why he made Shon tell Ella we were going Christmas shopping. 

Christmas shopping my ass.

Mark looks out of place in this bar, but he casually ignores it.  
He comes over from talking to the manager,

"You're up in ten. Go get warmed up."

I numbly walk to the back, take out my guitar, and start tuning.

Some old guy come of a random corner.

He looks like shit. Smells like it too.

"You're Roger Davis' boy?" He slurs a bit. _Big suprise_.

I nod but keep focused on tuning. I don't want to be dragged into his world. I've made my promise.

He goes on until I can hear my name. I get up to walk away.

"I bet you're crap just like your father."

I just smile back at him. What the fuck does he know?

It's just some bar, not a lot of people but its something, right?

I play what ever I can right off the top of my head, but its enough.

I've been waiting for this moment forever.

I loved watching Dad play and when he was done it was my turn...then it was kind of one of those bonding moments...now its our communication.

It feels good to be up in front of a crowd, just me and my guitar.

I don't mean to brag, but they love me. As I go off I see the old guy glare.

I love proving people wrong.

Shon just grins at me...I know what he means...

When we get back home Mark makes him self busy in the kitchen. Shon goes to our room.

"Hey, um...Mark?"

He turns around, two bowls of cereal in his hands..."Cereal?"

I take one and it silent as we begin eating,

"Mark, thanks for tonight."

He just shrugs.

"What was Dad's first gig like?"

It questions like these Mark is beginning to live for. An excuse to slip into memory. He like that sort of thing, does it whenever he thinks nobody is looking.

"The only place he and the band could find willing was that bar." For a moment he begins channeling some one much more philosophical, some one un...Mark. "The look he had playing...same one you had. I'm getting too old for the bar scene. I think we should head off to bed...I still have to pick up the squirt's present...argh...you're starting to rub off on me..."

He lays his hand on my shoulder before leaving me alone in the kitchen.

Really I guess I can't complain.  
Good place. Life isn't really shitty.  
Although sometimes I wish...well, what good does that do?  
No day but today right?

I'm too much of a guy to admit I'm scared shitless. I'm afraid of getting lost.

Well, maybe, who isn't...?

* * *

Author's note: 

Not the best chapter I really like the next two better. This one was a bit hard to write.  
one down two more to go.  
hope to see you all there...

review responses:

**eLpHaBaFaBaLaElPhIeFaE**: thanks!

**BwayDiva**: Maybe not so adorable anymore...and you'll see more of that in the next two chaps...he's a little blindfolded as to it himself...right now kind of brooding teen..oh well thanks as always.

**Lils**: I know you do. Not really but getting close...so I update on a weekend just for you does it help? Brilliant? Are you okay? anyhow thanks...

* * *

_**until next time, this is me...signing out**_


	33. Epiloge B: Repeated in Parts

Epilogue B: Repeated In Parts  
as told by **Shon Cohen**  
(age: between 14 and 15)  
25 December

* * *

I can see dad looking over everyone to see if we're all here. We're not... 

He looks to me and neither one of us has to say anything. I know what he wants.  
I grab my camera and scarf and make my way out. Going down the stairs, I pass my sister, Cade, Jaime and their two.

Cade smiles at me, "Off to find him? Good luck."

I just nod. I don't need luck.

It's the same every time, every year.

_For I'm am simply my best friend's keeper_.

Ever since I was born we've had some secret, unspoken, unwritten code. We stick together. He is my fist and I am his shoulder.

When everyone else was going off to school; He and I, when it was my turn, were homeschooled.  
He was kept home just in case any thing happened to Uncle Roger, he would know. It was so they could spend as much time as they could with what time was left. I was just there, that how it was.

I approach the familar building and pass it to go through the familiar gate with the familiar guard.

"Hey, Ted."

"Hey, Shon. Same place."

I nod. I can already see him.

As I approach I can see he wearing the same old plaid pants and hoodie he found in the closet years ago, as always.  
It's no use telling him that the outfit is out of style...not that I have any place to talk about. According to him my clothes went out of style when Laura Ingalls still pranced about the prarie, although to this day I still don't know how he knows about Laura Ingalls or her prariie.

I keep my distance as I do every time.

He keeps his focus on the four headstones. Angel and Collins on the right. His parents on the left.

"It weird how we only knew one of them alive, but we still kind of know them all."

"You don't remember Collins?" Same question, different day.

"Just his voice."

It's been seven years and we still have the same conversation.

I look down at my feet. _Three, Two, one..._

"When I saw him the last time...he looked strong, but maybe I was imagining it...he was so sick."

"No, Noah, remember him strong."

He nods.

"He told me...he didn't want me to think he was abandoning me. And I, I...I told him it was mom's turn and that one day I'd see him again. He made me promise I'd take my time...that I wouldn't make any of the mistakes he made..."

I could hear him break down and I moved to embrace my best friend, holding back my own tears, my own memories.

I was his shoulder.

"It's a miracle..."

"That I don't have it, too. I fucking know that."

"No, that you had as long with him as you did. He held on for you."

We spend a few more moments.

"Come, on let's head back, everyone's waiting."

He nods and we start the trek back, trying to lighten the mood I ask, "So, is your girlfriend making an appearance? Is it Ashley or Kiera?"

"Her name is Madison and you know it. No, she has to go to Jersey to visit her aunt."

"Madison? I guess I just got mixed up with all your groupies."

"Well, at least I have groupies."

"I have some...fans of my work..."

"Your sisters and Aurora don't count..."

"You're a wierd boy, Noah Davis."

"No, Shon Cohen, I'm a weird man."

"Well, it's nice to see your ego's back."

"Yeah, well, hey, you said everyone's there?"

"Very subtle topic change, Davis, yeah, well, Scott shipped his letter and some stuff."

"What's he doing now?"

"Hell if I know."

"Hell, if you ever know."

It's all an act you know, him trying to be stronger than he really is. He thinks he has to be. He thinks no one knows. So who am I to tell? If I tell he'll think he failed. Maybe that would be worse, so I keep my mouth shut.

I trugde up the stairs after him.

"Noah! Shon! Come see what I made." Aurora calls excitedly from across the loft. She holds up a ridiculously long blanket. She's gone through a sewing phase that and she's had plenty of time...since the day before Thanksgiving break she's been suspended from school. She punched out a couple kids when they asked questions about her family project she was presenting during English. God knows Joanne tried to play it from every angle, but they weren't saying anything _bad_ they were just asking questions. Joanne eventually resigned her self to the fact that Aurora is Maureen's daughter.  
Then again, looking around at our family, _how do you explain us?_

**We just are.**

* * *

**Author's Notes**: 

Only one more to go...its been written so I'm just editing and posting before my show opens next week than I going to move on to working on Deeper than the Surface during the run of the show...

I'm trying so hurringly post this during a break during rehearsal...

Review Response:

**BwayDiva**: There will be more on Roger in the next chap...explanation of sorts...and next chap is Mark so all is good. Thanks as always.

**Lils**: I was really hoping you would enjoy this. Thanks.

* * *

**_until next time, this is me...signing out._**


	34. Epilogue C: Never Meant to be Normal

Epilogue C: Never Meant To Be Normal  
as told by Mark  
25 Deceember

* * *

Cade once asked me why I ran from Scarsdale to come here. It was too normal, too predictable in ways. Every Monday we had spagetti and every Thursday we had chicken. Everytime we had pizza it was always plain cheese pizza, from the same place. For I guy who tends to like to play it safe normal should have be fine, but it wasn't.

**If my life was supposed to be normal, I would have never met Roger Davis**.

The day he died..._well, its hard to get past a moment like that._

* * *

_**(Seven years before)**_

Ella guides everyone out of the small hospital room, she knows what I need before I do.

It's almost hard to look at him now. The defiant rock star now struggling for the easiest of breaths. The man who prefered to be free now trapped in a hospital bed.

I just stay in my seat next to him.

He just smiles and shakes he a head a little.

After all these years all that seems right is to be quiet.

The few moment pass by occasionally interuppted by Roger's coughing and discomfort.

"Mark?" Roger finally decides its time to talk.

"...Thanks...without you I wouldn't...have gotten this far..."

I nod, he's told me this all the time, recently.

"Yeah," I whisper, "You're my best friend and you're fucking leaving me."

It's one of those things that are said in you're head, not really suppossed to be said but they do.

I can tell he hears me, "Like you said,...I'm your best...friend...Not really leaving you...tell me you know that?"

I really don't, he's dying, he's leaving, "Sure, I know that."

He looks like he is going to close his eyes, but decides against it, like he knows what will happen when he does; and he isn't ready for that quite yet.  
After I talk to him he talks to Noah and Shon a bit, and then we all just kind of waited, hoping for one more day.

At 8:23 P.M. that day, he closed his eyes and I knew that when he woke up he wouldn't see us anymore; he'd wake up to Mimi.

* * *

"Mark? Mark."

I look at the door, "Yeah, sorry."

"Noah and Shon are here and the girls wanted to know we you two were going to get out here so we could start eating."

"We'll be out in a second, I just got lost in thought."

Jaime disappears into the living room. Roger's younger brother and my son-in-law, technically.  
It was Roger's idea to have them 'run into each other' after their orignal breakup and they had been dating again for a year and a half before Roger had gotten worse. About a week before he died they convinced the doctor to let them roll Roger to the small chapel at the end of the hallway, and with all of us crammed into that little room, Cade and Jamie got married, so that Roger could be there, he was the best man after all. They never re-did it either, no "real" one, with a dress and lots of people.

"Daddy? Presents now?" I hear the small thinks he's innoncent voice coming from the toddler bed.

Okay, so Roger Micheal Cohen, or as Noah calls him, Squirt, came as a surprise. We thought Ella had finally gone into menopause, and three years later we have a toddler.

"You weren't really sleeping, were you?"

He just grins at me as I pick him up, oh god, I'm getting too old for this.

As we walk into the living room, Ella smiles, "Hey! Okay, everyone, time for the food, get in line, so we can get to the you-know-whats. Mark, could you get Rog's plate, I'm gonna help Cade with the twins' plates."

The three year old turns and grins at me, "Yeah, Daddy. My plate."

It takes nearly an hour and a half to make sure all fifteen, sixteen if you count Cade's five month bump, have been fed.

After dinner, I grab my camera and start to film everyone starting to settle down.

Benny, the now eternal bachelor of the loft, has been some how attacked into letting Cabot and Owen (Cade and Jaime's four and a half year old twins) sit on his lap. No matter how much he denies it, we all know Benny loves all the kids like they were his own. Joanne is sitting next to Ella, still at the table, while Maureen is trying to entertain Rog's small attention span. Aurora and Roman are fighting over something.

"What's the fight this week?" I ask as I zoom in on two glares.

"Sorry, I asked."

Kenna is trying to organize all the gifts for everyone. She's my little girl, I claim her I don't care what science says. Benny teases that I cried more than Ella when she went off to college.

Noah looks at me and calls to everyone, grinning, "How about the Christmas story first. Unle Mark's turn."

It's always my turn.

"Alright, Alright...A long, long, long time ago in Bethlehem..."

"Mark!"

"Grandpa"

"Smarta..."

"_Noah_!"

_Okay, not your normal life, not your normal Christmas story..._

"Just seeing if were paying attention...okay, it wasn't so long ago, and it was here in the loft and Roger and I..."

"Uncle Roger, not me." My three year old proudly announces.

"...as I was saying it was just Roger and I living here. It was Christams Eve and Collins had called, he was back in town..."

* * *

Epilogue B Review Responses:

**BwayDiva**: Yeah, that was the goal...Thanks as always

**Lils**: You're a fictional characters groupie? In the words of Miss Sally Brown "I Like It!" That bit was spare of the moment, really. I know...

**LM Ward**: Thanks, its good to read that.

**Born2Bbad**: Well, he couldn't live forever...although I tried... I think my intention on Shon and Ella is to be vague but greatly alluded to because it mostly predictable things like Ella stops struggling with her questions and her and Mark Live happily ever after...as for shon, he's just like his father. Thanks for both chapters.

* * *

Author's Note.

I can't believe it's over.

I'm here at my show...during intermission of opening night posting this for you...wow, I really don't know what to say...maybe I'll come back later and add something...

I do have one favor to ask: now that this is finished if everyone whose been reading this could review...it would just add to the fabulous night I'm having...wheter you liked it hated it whatever wheter you've reviewed before or not...

Thanks. And thank you all for reading this...of all the things you could have done instead. Thanks

and

* * *

_**This is me...signing out**_. 


End file.
